The Seeking Home Series
by pekeleke
Summary: Harry is trying hard to reach happily-ever-after with Severus. He is seeking Sanctuary. He is seeking... home.
1. Through the open door

**Title: **_**Through the open door.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Minerva Mcgonagal, Severus Snape.

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G

**Word** **count**: 662

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 1: Gingerbread House.

This is the first part of my _**Seeking home**_ series, which continues in: _**Outside the light.**_

**Summary**: Harry finally makes his offer. Severus responds to it in his own, inimitable, way...

_**Through the open door.**_

"It didn't work, Minerva! He sat there, rigid like a stone, and didn't even look at it. I don't understand it"

The Headmistress examined Harry's rather elaborate gingerbread house with sorrow-filled eyes. Harry had put his heart and soul into baking every panel with an extra smattering of cinnamon and clove, just the way Severus preferred it. It had taken the boy ages to recreate this wonderfully detailed replica of Hogwarts and she'd hoped the lovely gesture would be enough to bring the last of Severus' defenses crumbling down... Now, judging by the discouragement that had appeared in Harry's eyes, she could tell that hadn't been the case.

"He ignored it altogether? That can't be right, Harry. Everyone knows that you could poison Severus with gingerbread. He's... incapable... of resisting it."

"He was definitely immune to mine. This means he'll never give me a chance, doesn't it? If he managed to restrain himself from taking a single bite of this concoction, just because I baked it, then how am I ever going to convince him to start a relationship with me? I've been a fool, Minerva. It's obvious he still hates me while I... I... I don't know what to do!"

She frowned, puzzled. And looked at the gingerbread house with deep confusion. She couldn't understand what had happened, either, but Harry couldn't be right. Severus was definitely interested. He'd been looking at the boy, when he thought no one was watching, for a while now. They had gone down to the pub together a few times and, last Summer, her Potions Master had spent his precious vacation moping in his dungeons every single day of the fortnight Harry had spent at the Weasleys...

Something caught her eye at that moment, something strange. She pushed herself forwards in her chair and studied the gingerbread house carefully, before turning her bright and hopeful eyes back towards Harry.

"I thought you recreated every window and door in the castle, every chimney..."

"I did. You know I did. I wanted my... offer... to be perfect"

"Then it's rather odd that the door to Severus' own quarters isn't here"

"What?" Harry jerked forwards, urgently searching his carefully constructed replica. "It's gone! He must have taken it. What does that mean, Minerva?"

"I honestly don't know, Harry. But... this leaves his doorway wide open, doesn't it? If he tried so hard to ignore it, if he touched nothing else, then it's strange he picked that one door. I believe Severus is too subtle for his own good most of the time. He is too cautious for us, gryffindors. I'll never understand why he doesn't confront things up front. It's like a self-defense mechanism of some sort..."

"So this is a test? I press forwards and he responds in oblique ways, then retreats to see what happens... I wonder how many people he's already lost like this"

She looked down at the gingerbread house, remembering something Albus mentioned long ago.

"I'd imagine that's the point. Severus craves blind faith, unwavering loyalty, wholehearted acceptance... Only those who won't give up can give him that"

Harry smiled softly at that. Index finger coming forth to touch the space where the missing door to his colleague's chambers left a gaping hole in Hogwarts.

"So he's opened his door. Now all I've got to do is go down and knock on it."

Minerva grabbed his wrist, as he got up to do just that. She cared for this boy very dearly. Cared for them both, really. She hoped they could make it, but...

"This won't be easy, Harry. Severus is a very difficult man."

He cupped her cheek with the kind of gentle tenderness that she knew would be Severus' downfall.

"I love him. I have to try. Severus might not be easy, but... he's worth it, Minerva. He means everything to me and I... I won't ever be the man I want to become if I give up on him now..."

TBC...


	2. Outside the light

**Title: **_**Outside the light.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G

**Word** **count**: 828

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 2: Scrooge.

This is the second part in my _**Seeking home**_ series, which continues with: _**In hot water.**_

**Summary**: Harry stands outside the light, requesting entry. Severus requires answers to some questions first...

_**Outside the light.**_

Harry stilled in the corridor, shocked by the sight of Severus' half-opened door. He'd rushed down the stairs, so determined to pound on this door until it opened, that now he felt... foolish. Despite Severus' subtle hint, he hadn't expected the message so carefully hidden within his gingerbread house to translate into actual reality.

He froze, staring at the inviting pool of light that illuminated the corridor outside Severus' rooms. Miffed bravery had brought him this far and now a veritable torrent of desperate anxiety was messing with his resolve. He felt dizzy, anxious, terrified. His blood pounded inside his veins and he started sweating with sheer panic. He hadn't thought this through... _What_ was he going to say? _How_ was he going to say it? Was he actually willing to expose the fragility of his emotions to Severus' wounding scorn?.

"We Slytherins have an intriguing theory about gryffindor bravery, Potter. We think your lauded courage only comes to the fore when you're corralled. There's an old saying I tell my first years, whenever they clash with a lion: "Never push a gryffindor into battle. Outright conflict always ends in confrontation. In order to defeat a lion one must open one's door and invite him in for tea. They don't know how to fight outside the battleground."

Harry looked towards Severus' doorway, confronting the man who stood there with a fierce green-eyed glare.

"Is that why you brought me here? To fight me like a slytherin?"

Severus smiled sadly. He looked strangely disappointed and Harry shivered with a sudden premonition of disaster.

"I didn't bring you here. You came of your own free will."

Harry tried to understand those soft-toned words, but they didn't make any sense... He was on the verge of demanding an explanation when a memory of the small gingerbread door that brought him here crossed his frustrated mind. It had been a tiny overture on Severus' part. One so tiny, in fact, that he might have missed it completely if it hadn't been for Minerva: _'I believe Severus is too subtle for his own good most of the time', _those had been the words of a woman who'd known Severus for years... What if this was another subtle test? One that he was failing abysmally?. His gut twisted with an awful sort of terror, unable to cope with the idea of actively failing this man.

"Have it your way: I came to see you, Severus. Aren't you going to let me in?"

The slytherin's head sagged against the wood of his partially open door, resting there while that ebony-colored gaze regarded him thoughtfully.

"Why are you here, Potter?"

"You left your door wide open. It was an invitation, wasn't it? You wanted me here, but now you won't let me in... What game are you playing, Severus? What's the point of issuing an invitation that you have no plans to honor?"

Severus' long neck contracted visibly, his Adam's apple bobbed way too fast to match his outward calm.

"Maybe I wanted to see if you'd bring more gingerbread. I'm rather... partial... to the treat"

Harry laughed, caught off guard by that ridiculous claim:

"You wanted to be bribed with sweets?"

"I wanted to be... tempted. But you couldn't give me that, could you? You came here like an enemy, ready for confrontation. You didn't come like a suitor. You weren't seeking... me. You wanted war"

"You sound like the Scrooge, you know? Spouting all this... humbug... about fighting and whatnot"

That elegant frame straightened beside the half-opened door.

"I wasn't talking about fighting. I was speaking about courage, Potter. But you weren't really listening to me... Go home then, Oh, noble gryffindor. There's nothing here for you at this point."

Harry frowned, utterly puzzled by that statement. He felt shattered and lost. He was a breath away from crumbling like a deck of wet cards and he couldn't understand what the hell was happening here.

"What does that mean, exactly? Why must you hide behind cruel games?"

"I'm not hiding. I'm right here, Harry Potter. You're the one who hasn't yet decided where to stand. Go home and think about what drove you to bake that gingerbread house for me. I have nothing else to tell you. Not yet at least. Maybe not ever"

"Never? That can't be! You know I won't give up, right?"

"This isn't a battle, Harry. I have no need for soldiers in my home. I'm tired of fighting wars and now the only thing I care about is... peace..."

Harry stared straight into those weary black eyes, realizing that Severus wasn't playing with his heart. The man looked beyond exhausted. He was pale and his frame trembled. He looked genuinely devastated.

"I don't understand, Severus... Can't you at least tell me what I've done wrong?"

"You failed to come in through the open door. You stilled outside the lights, succumbing to the need of planning your strategy. You... faltered..."

TBC...


	3. In hot water

**Title: **_**In hot water.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G

**Word** **count**: 891

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 3: Winter hot tub.

This is the third part in my _**Seeking home**_ series, which continues with: _**Along the path.**_

**Summary**: Harry knows he is in hot water. Severus agrees to listen to his pleas...

_**In hot water.**_

Harry dipped his fingertips into the crystal-clear water, making the mirror-like surface ripple delicately. A muggle travel brochure had given Minerva the idea of creating this peaceful private patio, complete with a hot pool that overlooked the lake. The winter-themed haven had been an instant hit with Severus, who regularly came here to soak the stress of his days away under the moonlight...

The soft swish of a long cloak, swirling around a pair of aged leather boots, prompted Harry to look up, towards the arched entrance to the courtyard. He'd decided to make his case in a clearly private setting, dismissing the possibility of approaching Severus in his office, or the high table, or a student-filled corridor. This was the slytherin's cherished retreat. He came here to unwind, to be himself, and Harry wanted to be a part of that. He wasn't here as a colleague, or as the head of a rivaling house. He wasn't seeking professional advice, or even friendship. He was aiming for intimacy. For togetherness. He was aiming for the heart...

It had taken him a week, and a lot of soul-searching, to realize that Severus had been right in sending him packing. Despite how hurt he'd been by the man's ruthless rejection, Harry was now able to see exactly where he'd gone wrong. He'd been in love with his colleague for a while now, but had never actually tried to forge a friendship. Never ventured beyond the limits of professional interaction. Never dared to give voice to his emotions, failing completely to reach out for... more. He'd built the gingerbread house because he was tired of feeling like a wimp. He'd done it for his own benefit, forcing himself to make that oblique offer in order to earn the peace of mind of knowing that he'd... tried.

Severus' positive response had been unexpected and he'd rushed headlong into the kind of situation that he shouldn't have approached unprepared. The slytherin was a careful, cautious, creature; one who wouldn't have opened up so much, unless his feelings were deep enough to make the possible rejection worth the risk. Of course Severus was being difficult, he was playing with his fiercely guarded heart and that was something that he'd never do lightly...

Quiet footsteps disrupted Harry's thoughts as the object of his affections walked distractedly into the courtyard. Severus' head was bowed thoughtfully; pale fingers extended as he walked along, brushing the soft-petaled flowers that grew perpetually here with a delicate gentleness. Harry's breath hitched in reaction to the fragile beauty of the moment, drawing that black gaze towards him.

"Potter..."

The ghost of their last conversation rose between them like a wall. Harry smiled nervously in the thickening silence as the echo of Severus' disappointed words came back to haunt him: _'You faltered...'_ that had been his greatest mistake and he wasn't willing to repeat it ever again. Taking a deep breath, he spoke with a halting, raw-toned, sobriety:

"You were right, Severus. I baked that gingerbread house for selfish reasons. I wanted to feel brave, tell myself I had tried to approach you, but... I was playing things safe all along. I didn't go far enough. I didn't jump off the deep end. I... faltered."

"Harry..."

"Listen to me, please... I shouldn't have tried to give you Hogwarts. I know you feel safe here, and that's why I chose to model my gingerbread house on the school, but... this is where we work, where we interact on a professional level. That choice was just... too cautious. Too oblique. It wasn't committed enough and it deserved to be dismissed out of hand"

Severus stood stock still, listening to him with rapt attention. His eyes shone and his long hair fluttered gently in the breeze, framing his narrow features. He looked both focused and delicate: all pale skin and raven-black tresses. All stubborn dignity and utterly weary caution. All clever subtlety and fierce, unbending, pride...

"I wasn't asking for commitment, Harry. It's way too soon for that."

"You were asking for certainty, though. That's what the whole door thing was about. You wanted to see me enter without doubts. You wanted determination. You're afraid I'm going to fold under the weight of public opinion, aren't you?. You won't have me if you believe I might walk out. You're tired of being abandoned..."

Severus closed his eyes tiredly, making Harry's confidence waver. He couldn't tell what his companion was thinking, couldn't tell if brutal candor would be enough to open this door.

"Why are you here, Potter?"

The soft-toned question broke the impasse and Harry's breath caught. Here was his second chance to answer the most important question this man had ever asked him. He'd thought about it incessantly for the past week and had come to the conclusion that nothing sort of complete honesty would work. Despite his own assertions to the contrary, Severus wasn't here to be tempted. Temptation was short-lived. It enthralled the mind, but left the heart untouched. Severus wanted to be cherished and adored. He wanted to be courted, romanced. He wanted... permanence.

"I'm here because I love you. I'm here because there's no other place on Earth I'd rather be. I'm here to knock softly on your closed door and see if you're willing to open it for me once more... "

TBC...


	4. Along the path

**Title: **_**Along the path.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G

**Word** **count**: 834.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 4: Babies and puppies.

This is the fourth part in my _**Seeking home**_ series.

**Summary**: Harry's path seems long and winding. It frightens him. Severus believes it can be navigated one step at a time...

_**Along the path.**_

Harry was nervous enough to throw up. Facing Severus in his courtyard retreat had earned him a cautiously issued invitation to Madam Rosmerta's pub and the idea of messing this up was driving him spare. He'd changed clothes at least a million times already. He'd combed his hair into a rather flat look that felt just... awful... and then proceeded to ruin it in a fit of defiant pique. His hair was a mess. It had always been a mess and it'll continue being so long after this... date. Severus would have to deal with it. He'll have to deal with his clothes, too. And his... Oh, Merlin! He was going to mess this up so badly...

He'd turned towards the small cabinet where he'd kept the bottle of mead that Hagrid had given him for his birthday, intending on taking enough sips to settle his nerves, when there was a knock at the door. It was the knock he'd been so anxiously waiting for and yet... he wasn't ready for it. Not by a long shot.

"You can not falter..." He told himself fiercely, before drawing a deep breath and answering the door.

Severus stood on the other side. He didn't look particularly different from the way he'd looked last night, in the courtyard. He wore his usual heavy robes and the same dusty leather boots. His hair was loose about his face, also as usual, and his expression was a picture of mild impatience that turned into puzzled curiosity as the moment stretched.

"What are you looking at, Potter?"

Harry shook his head, smiling rather bashfully. He didn't know how to explain what he was feeling. Couldn't put his finger on what exactly, about the slytherin's familiar appearance, felt so different tonight. He supposed it wasn't so much Severus who had changed, but Harry's perception of him. Of them. Of the unfolding situation that had brought this cautious creature all the way here. They were going out together for a drink. They were trying to become... something... to each other.

"I'm looking at you. It's strange seeing you here. You've never visited me before."

Severus shifted uncomfortably.

"Yes, well... I had no reason to visit you."

Awkward silence settled between them, coiling around Harry's anxious senses like a viper, poisoning his frayed self-confidence insidiously.

"Do you want to come in or... are you ready to go?"

The slytherin frowned, opened his mouth as if to ask a question, but then shook his dark head and answered quietly:

"We can go, but only if you're still willing, Potter. I'm not dragging you anywhere against your better judgment"

Harry stilled then. His hand held onto his door so fiercely that his knuckles turned white. His eyes widened slightly, dulling with green-tainted desperation at the crystal-clear warning he could hear lurking beneath those words.

"I'm willing, Severus. I'm just... nervous. I've been driving myself crazy about this outing all day long. I... I'm really scared of messing this up"

Long, pale, fingers rose slowly towards his white-knuckled hand, peeling it away from the door frame before giving it a small, reassuring, squeeze.

"There's no need to be afraid, Harry. It's not as if we are planning to adopt babies and puppies together, is it?. We'll share a pint and a spot of casual conversation. It won't be that different from drinking tea together in the staff room"

The warm touch of that potion-stained hand retreated, leaving him suddenly cold. He felt bereft and lost, uncertain.

"Of course it will be different. I never had this much hope before. It's never been only the two of us in the staff room. We've never spend time together like this. This feels... intimate. It feels important. I don't want to downplay what's happening"

Severus' dark eyes softened. They shone bright and hopeful, joyous. They looked beautiful and alive for the first time in Harry's memory. A small smile appeared on those thin lips and that head turned minutely, studying him thoughtfully.

"You'd rather build a mountain of premature high expectations and drive yourself crazy with anxiety?"

Harry sighed and ran a visibly shaking hand through his wild hair, making it even messier:

"I wish I had your poise. I'm afraid of... faltering... again, Severus. I don't want to fail you. I don't want to... fall."

Gentle fingertips curled around his chin, lifting his face rather tenderly until he had no other option but to look directly into those unfathomable black eyes.

"There's nothing to fear here. You might be driving yourself mad with unnecessary nerves, but I don't think you'll fall. I'm willing to help you rise again, even if you do. We can do this together, Harry Potter. But we must do it slowly. We must thread along this path carefully, remembering that we've never been here before. We'll be learning the lay of the land as we move forwards, that's why it's so important not to rush. We must take a single step at a time..."

TBC...


	5. On shaky ground

**Title: **_**On shaky ground.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G

**Word** **count**: 917.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 5: The gift of jewelry.

This is the fifth part in my _**Seeking home**_ series.

**Summary**: Severus stumbles for the first time. Now it's Harry's turn to stand his ground...

_**On shaky ground.**_

Rosmertas' was virtually empty. Harry took a small sip of his drink, trying to push his nerves away for the time being. He didn't want them to taint the memory of his first date with Severus. He wanted to focus all of his attention, all of his being, on the dark-haired man who sat before him, quietly drinking his beer and scanning the room with the kind of curiosity that betrayed a lack of... familiarity... with the place.

"You don't usually come here, do you?"

"I haven't been here since the war. It reminds me of things I'd rather forget. The Carrows used to come here all the time when they lived in Hogwarts. I was often forced to accompany them."

Harry's stomach dropped to his feet. He didn't know how to respond to that thoroughly unwelcome statement, but he couldn't afford to ignore the pointed reference to Severus' violent past.

"Severus..."

"Don't worry. I don't want to talk about it, either. It's just... coming here was a mistake."

Harry's gaze settled on the faint blush that was beginning to spread across Severus' face. His hands curled even more tightly around his drink and his stomach started churning with anxiety. He could tell that Severus was embarrassed by the turn the conversation had just taken, but... the war had been their reality for a very long time. They both played major roles in it, lost dear friends and irreplaceable parental figures. It was impossible to deny that they shared a common, terrible, past. Trying to ignore that would be a mistake...

"I understand your desire to replace your bad memories with new ones, Severus. I've started doing that myself, you know? I'm still on shaky ground, but I'm trying to exorcise the fear I lived with for so long. I'm trying to leave it behind, where it can no longer hurt me. I want to move forwards. Heal. Build a brighter future for myself... I'm hoping you'll be a part of that."

"Stop. Please... you are going way too fast."

Harry frowned, unsettled by Severus' obvious distress.

"Why are you so afraid? I'm not going anywhere, I promise. You are not waking up tomorrow to discover that this is some kind of sick prank. I'm engaged right down to the heart, Severus. I'm in love with you."

Utterly wary black eyes closed, as if in pain. There was a second of complete silence before Severus' dark eyelashes fluttered open again. They did it slowly, so very slowly... and the fierce defensiveness powering the look they unveiled was enough to take Harry's breath away.

"Love is a dangerous word. It's not meant to be whispered casually, Potter. This is the second time you mention it to me and I need you to stop throwing it in my face at every turn. Love belongs to the worthy and the brave. It's the deserved reward of the strong, the fair, the generous... It dwells far away from here: among chocolates and poems and exuberant gifts of jewelry. Love is a prize that I haven't earned yet, so don't you dare mention it again."

Harry gritted his teeth, becoming mad enough to growl with raw-toned fierceness:

"Love doesn't have to be earned, Severus. It just... happens. Love is a beautiful emotion that doesn't follow logic. It doesn't listen to rules and can't understand self-hatred. I don't know how many bastards it took to convince you that you must pander to your lover's selfish needs, in order to earn every crumb of affection, but they were dead wrong about it. They weren't fit to lick the mud off your boots, let alone force you to beg for their attention. You _are_ already worthy. You have every right in the world to be someone's beloved!"

"Harry..."

"No. I'm not listening to this. I refuse to keep my emotions under wraps. I love you without conditions, Severus. Without any _ifs_, or _whens_, or _maybes. _I haven't thought about the exuberant jewelry, butI've been ready to ply you with flowers and chocolates for ages. I'm sure I could write you at least one corny poem. I baked you a whole replica of Hogwarts, for Merlin's sake!..."

Severus laughed then, bringing Harry's miffed rant to an abrupt halt. He stared dazedly at the wonderful man who sat across from him, frantically biting his lower lip in order to stop the rather appealing sound of his seemingly irrepressible mirth. Then he smiled too, realizing that this moment would be etched in his memory forever. He'll never let go of this beauty, never relinquish his claim to this one instant. Never give up on his quest to make Severus laugh like this again. He wanted to hear this sound more often. Wanted to see this smile again. Wanted this man to be happy enough to laugh with his whole mind and body, with his whole heart...

Their laughter died slowly and they both became very still, watching each other with a new and distressing caution. Harry swallowed hard before daring to repeat the one truth that he couldn't keep denying:

"This is going all the way, Severus. I'm not giving up on us. I'm in love with you for real."

Time itself stopped turning as he waited for the reaction that would make or break their future. The slytherin thought long and hard about his answer. Finally Severus sighed, rubbed a weary hand across his pale features and found enough courage to whisper:

"I believe you, Harry..."

TBC...


	6. Into the corner

**Title: **_**Into the corner.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G.

**Word** **count**: 947.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 6: Frost.

This is the sixth part in my _**Seeking home**_ series.

**Summary**: Severus' actions have backed him into a corner. Harry is determined to keep him there.

_**Into the corner.**_

Severus settled the last cauldron atop its rack and stood back. His classroom was now ready to endure another long day of student-perpetrated abuse and he wondered what new heights of thoughtless stupidity awaited him. There were only five school days left before the beginning of the Christmas vacation and he'd learned the hard way that this particular week usually attracted disaster. The children were unruly with excitement about their holiday plans. They ate candy non-stop and laughed too loudly in class, ignoring every safety rule he'd ever taught them.

Sighing, he walked towards the only window in the room and peered outside. The location of this particular window showed him a dreary picture of snow-covered ground and very little else, but the act of concentrating on the eerie whiteness of the still untrodden snow managed to soothe his unusually maudlin mood.

His fingertip traced the delicate patterns that the morning frost had drawn on the other side of the glass and a small, short-lived smile curved his lips. He felt as fragile as these swirls of frost. He was dreading the idea of facing Potter at the breakfast table after that... date... of theirs. He couldn't understand his own behaviour, couldn't fathom why he'd risked opening up to the gryffindor like that. From the moment he stole that small gingerbread door his life had become a disorienting roller-coaster ride that kept him unbalanced. He'd been exposed to more hope and uncertainty than he'd felt in the last decade, and he was woefully unprepared to deal with it. He wanted to try, though. He wanted to reach out, see if it was true that he could finally have... someone... of his own.

Their date hadn't gone as planned. Harry hadn't followed his cues and he'd felt cornered. He wanted to walk this path, but his mind urged him to be cautious. He wasn't good at social interactions, wasn't used to companionship, and had difficulty coping with the gryffindor's bold candour. Harry spoke so freely of loving him that he couldn't help but shiver with deep dread. He wouldn't be able to avoid whispering those terrifying words back. Harry would grow tired of his silence on the matter and demand a clear label to his feelings... He harboured a deep well of adoration towards the gryffindor within his heart, but he'd been cruelly pranked by men who claimed to love him before. He'd been rebuffed too many times to cast away his irrational fear of rejection. He was determined to fight it in this instance, but hadn't managed yet to gather enough strength to surrender himself completely...

A sudden rap on the door startled him and he turned towards it with a slight frown. It was too early to be a student and he couldn't imagine who might need him at this hour.

"Enter!"

Harry entered the room, carrying a thin box, and his throat closed with trepidation as he wondered what had prompted this visit. Had their date been worse than he'd thought? Had the gryffindor spent all night turning in his bed too, wondering what on Earth they were doing?...

"Good morning, Severus. Wow... I'm jealous. It's barely five thirty and you've already finished setting up. You are faster than I am. Tidier too. But you've always been ruthlessly organized."

That rushed babbling unsettled him further. He looked around the room, trying to see it through his visitor's eyes, but couldn't find anything particularly remarkable about it. It was just his classroom. It always looked like this before the little miscreants messed it up.

"Organization is essential in potions. It's the crucial habit that every successful brewer must develop."

Harry smiled at him fondly.

"You must be really nervous if you're lecturing me about potions."

"Harry..."

The gryffindor's free hand lifted towards him. A calloused fingertip brushed a stray lock of hair out of his face, looping it behind his ear with delicate gentleness. His breath caught and his eyes widened. His heart froze with awkward acceptance and he didn't know what to say. He felt utterly exposed as that emerald gaze scanned his face with unmistakable affection.

"Did you spend all night worrying about us? There are giant circles under your eyes, Severus"

He was startled by the direct question. He didn't like discussing his fears with anyone and couldn't bring himself to acknowledge them out loud. Not yet.

"Why are you here?"

Harry's bold fingers rubbed the top of his ear with disarming gentleness.

"I was afraid you'll find some excuse to miss breakfast and spend all day over-thinking everything. I'm not stupid enough to ignore the stubbornness of your self-protective nature. I wanted you to remember what you feel when we're together"

"So you have no faith in me..."

"Oh! I have plenty of faith in you, Severus. I also have a healthy respect for your instinctive defences. I decided to start plying you with the flowers and chocolates I promised you. Here: I think I've got it right this time.."

Harry pulled away, thrusting the box he'd been carrying towards him. He picked it up, opened the lid and stared, wide-eyed, at the beautifully rendered gingerbread rose that rested within. It had been crafted out of crimson coloured layers and a fine smattering of powdered sugar edged the carefully molded petals, giving it the appearance of a real frost-kissed flower.

"Harry, this is... It's perfect." He whispered with raw-toned intensity, unable to express how deeply this truly delicate gift had touched him. His gaze lifted, acknowledging the genuine adoration shining in those green eyes. "I... thank you"

Harry smiled brightly, patted his hand gently, and whispered into the silence:

"You are welcome..."

TBC...


	7. At the point of no return

**Title: **_**At the point of no return.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Severus Snape, Draco Malfoy

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G.

**Word** **count**: 961.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 7: Snow-globe.

This is the seventh part in my _**Seeking home**_ series.

**Summary**: Severus has reached the point of no return. His decision will now become... irrevocable.

_**At the point of no return.**_

"Let me get this straight: Potter, and not just any old Potter, but _THE _Potter baked you a gingerbread house"

"It wasn't just a gingerbread house, Draco. It was..."

"Let me finish! He baked you this gingerbread house and you put him through his paces. Laid one of your subtle tests for him and went back home, expecting him to fail it, so that you could feel self-righteously justified about rejecting the poor sod."

"I don't do that, Draco"

"Yes, you do. You did it to me. To my father. To Dumbledore... You do it to everyone, no matter what kind of relationship we're seeking. No matter who we are or what we want from you. Never mind the fact that these tests of yours allowed the Dark Lord in, and my father, but left good people out"

Severus shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"Draco..."

His ex-student smiled wanly, holding daintily onto his tea-cup and looking for all the world as fragile as a doll crafted out of spun-glass.

"It's alright, Severus. I'm not mad about that any longer. You're the way you are and that's what makes you... beautiful"

"Don't do this, Draco..."

"I'm sorry. I... I can't believe _Potter_ passed your test. It's so... unfair!"

Severus left his chair abruptly and walked towards the window on the other side of the room. It was snowing outside and the wispy snowflakes swirling wildly in the cold air reminded him of the old snow-globe Albus used to keep atop his desk. He sighed, feeling trapped and uncomfortable in the building silence. He disliked being reminded of the inappropriate crush Draco had developed during the last year of the war. He hadn't been able to reciprocate the boy's desperate feelings. Hadn't wanted to do so. Hadn't believed them to have much substance and his ruthless attempts to destroy them had wounded the young Malfoy heir deeply.

"So he got past your test, but you still resisted. Then he gathered all that gryffindor courage and confessed his love in a moonlit courtyard, of all places..."

"Please, stop. Whatever you've got to say has probably crossed my mind a million times already. I don't want to hurt you more than I already have, Draco. This is none of your dammed business"

The teacup rattled as the younger man plunked it forcefully on the side-table.

"My father is rotting in Azkaban. My mother is mad with grief and doesn't leave her rooms. You're the only thing I've got, Severus... Of course this is my business!"

"I don't require your approval to live my life as I see fit"

"Do you really think I don't know that? This isn't about jealousy, Severus. This is about common sense!. Getting involved with _Potter _will ruin your reputation. The press will rip you to shreds if this comes out..."

"That's about to happen. Someone who saw us at Rosmerta's tipped off The Prophet. Rita Skeeter owled me this morning, asking for my thoughts on the article she wrote for tomorrow's front page."

"Deny it. Please... Deny it!. Tell her you were sharing a few drinks with a colleague. Let her know you're in a relationship with me, if she insists. I'll back you up."

He turned around, confronting the pleading look on Draco's face with skin-deep determination.

"I can't do that. I won't. I'm tired of hiding."

"No one will allow an ex-Death-Eater to be Potter's happy ending. Can't you see that you're heading down a path of self-destruction?"

"I've been on a path of self-destruction all my life, child."

Draco's fist banged fiercely against the table.

"This is not a laughing matter! If you wanted a younger lover why the Hell did you reject me? I'm a safer choice for you!"

Severus raked a stressed hand through his long hair, addressing that bewildered question with all the gentleness he could muster.

"You didn't want a lover. You wanted a father figure and that's exactly what I gave you. I haven't yet become callous enough to take advantage of an offer made in utter desperation by a lost, vulnerable, child. Back then you needed a mentor, Draco, not a beast willing to fuck you into the mattress."

"You've got no idea of what I needed."

"You've got no idea of what I need, either."

Draco's narrow features turned ashen.

"Potter... Potter's what you need. He's your choice, isn't he? That's why you brought me here"

"I wanted to be the one to tell you. I don't want to hurt you further."

Draco's stormy gaze filled with dark shadows.

"I hate him... I. Hate. Him! He's taken everything I've ever wanted away from me! Why _him,_ Severus? _Why? _ What has he got that I lack?"

Severus closed his eyes with sorrow. He could not stand the pain in Draco's voice...

"He doesn't need me like you do. He simply... wants me. One of these days you're going to find a wonderful someone who'll make you see the difference. Then you'll be real glad I didn't take your offer..."

Twin rivers of heartbroken tears marred the delicate beauty of Draco's features and Severus would have sacrificed a great deal to see them vanish.

"That day hasn't arrived yet, Severus. Please... _please,_ I beg you!... think about what you are doing. Pursuing Potter is madness. You're standing at the edge of disaster, but you could still back out safely. I can give you..."

"No. You can't. I'm determined to follow this path and you must make your peace with it, Draco. I'm not meant for you. I was never meant for you and the faster you accept that, the faster you'll be able to move on. You deserve to find some happiness, just as I deserve to have this chance to... dream..."

TBC...


	8. Side By Side

**Title: **_**Side By Side.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G.

**Word** **count**: 906.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 8: Cuddling under the covers for warmth.

This is the eighth part in my _**Seeking home**_ series.

**Summary**: There's trouble ahead. It's time to stand together, side by side...

_**Side By Side.**_

Severus had been cuddling under the covers for warmth when the owl carrying The Prophet finally flew in. He rose from his bed, wrapped himself in his robe, and pulled the paper out of the bird's claws with a firm jerk of his hand. He'd been awake for hours, anxiously waiting the morning. Needing the opening salvo of his upcoming war against public opinion to be fired already. He disliked drawn out battles on principle. True to his slytherin nature, he never bothered to strike unless he was certain of success and, therefore, most of his actual battles lasted only seconds. He expected this particular fight to be long and painful. An insidious, heartbreaking, campaign that could cost him... everything.

"Severus... are you there?"

The sudden flare of his floo connexion distracted him from his careful examination of the article in question. He dropped the paper as soon as he recognized Harry's voice and walked towards the fireplace, encountering a pair of dull green eyes that examined him anxiously.

"Have you seen the paper? Rita Skeeter wrote an awful article about us!"

"Not _us,_ Harry. _Me_. She wrote an awful article about me"

"We're together now. There's no _you_ anymore_. _She wrote this about _us, _ wrote it to hurt us both and she's nuts if she expects me to sit back and let her print... trash... about you!"

Severus sat in his fireside chair, rubbing his forehead wearily.

"It's not trash. It might be a slightly distorted version of the truth, but nobody can deny that I treated you appallingly during your school years. I was a Death-eater. I murdered Albus in cold blood. I allowed the Carrows into the school and turned a blind eye, whenever they abused students in my presence... I've done every single thing she claims I did."

"You've done a million others she doesn't mention! Look... can I come in? Trying to defend you from yourself is hard enough without adding the stress of doing it from the wrong side of the fireplace"

"Of course you can come in. Just... could you wait a few minutes before coming through? I'd like to order breakfast and change. I don't want to have this particular conversation in my PJ's."

Harry's gaze raked his seated form with unquenchable hunger and the appreciative smirk that appeared on his face took Severus' breath away.

"You don't have to change on my account. I like you in your PJ's, Severus. They make you look... rumpled."

"Potter!" He growled with flustered embarrassment. "This isn't the right time to leer at me."

Harry laughed with the delighted glee of a child pursuing a kite.

"I'm not sure about that. I haven't found the wrong time to leer at you yet, Severus. It's an inspiring pastime, you know? Informative, too. I can't actually believe that even your PJ's are black..."

"Would you stop that nonsense already? We're both in serious trouble. Your reputation is being... tainted... by our alleged association"

The gryffindor's good humour died so fast that Severus blinked with shock. The messy head inside his fireplace jerked violently upwards, as if its owner had been rudely prodded with a hot rod. An awful little silence spread between them like a threatening dark cloud before Harry's thunderous roar shattered it:

"Oh, fuck it!... I'm crossing over right now. I'm not letting you think like that a single second longer!"

A tangled mass of absolutely incensed gryffindor tumbled onto his hearthrug almost immediately and he swallowed with discomfort when Harry failed to raise from his undignified position on the floor. Having the Saviour of the Wizarding World literally at his feet was a disturbing experience. One he didn't particularly enjoy, to be honest.

"Should I assume you don't want breakfast?"

"Listen... you've got to stop trying to side-track me. I know the idea of counting on me frightens you, but you need to give it a go. I'm fighting on your corner, Severus. This is now my corner too. There's nothing _alleged_ about our association_. _We've gone past mere _association_ as far as I'm concerned. We have a partnership, a developing relationship that I treasure very deeply and I'm planing to defend with tooth and nail. You _are_ the man I love. I realize you don't believe this but I know you inside out. Rita Skeeter's poison won't change my mind about us."

Those fierce words soothed Severus' worst fears and he closed his dark eyes with relieved gratefulness. Harry's protectiveness was unravelling his defences layer by layer, burrowing under his skin, seeking blood and muscle, reaching heart and mind... It was aiming straight for his soul, trying to brand it indelibly.

"You could still deny this. Reject the idea of us as a couple. You'll save yourself a heap of trouble by publicly laughing off these claims..."

"Never!. I won't ever deny loving you. Not in this lifetime and not in the next, Severus. Not for all the gold in Gringotts or the power of the Founders. I'm in love with you and I want us to stand side by side. I want us to dream our dreams and fight our battles together. I want us to build a world that belongs only to us. You are my choice. My life. My future. You are the man my heart desires and I won't give up on you for anyone or anything, least of all for Rita Skeeter!"

TBC...


	9. Under Bright Sunshine

**Title: **_**Under Bright Sunshine.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G.

**Word** **count**: 978.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 9: Home for Christmas.

This is the ninth part in my _**Seeking home**_ series.

**Summary**: Love is a gift that needs nurturing. It requires patience, warmth and the ability to create your own bright rays of sunshine...

_**Under Bright Sunshine.**_

Severus sighed with relief as he heard the whistle of the Hogwarts' Express. The students were finally going home for Christmas and that granted him three whole weeks of relative peace. The last week of term had been absolute Hell. There wasn't a pupil in the castle who wasn't following The Prophet's string of articles regarding his relationship with Harry, and he couldn't enter a room without some idiotic teenager bursting out into loud giggles. There was constant whispering, too. Coupled with absolutely infuriating little knowing smirks thrown his way, whenever Harry so much as blinked in his direction.

He wasn't used to this kind of... notoriety. Wasn't coping well with the very public nature of their relationship and The Prophet's damaging campaign against him wasn't helping any. Minerva had been forced to ward the school against howlers addressed to him, and each day he woke up to the distant pop of abusive correspondence being ruthlessly incinerated by Hogwarts' protective magic.

He needed the respite that a virtually empty castle could grant him. Needed to relax and use this period of... grace... to grow closer to Harry. He needed to become more comfortable in the gryffindor's presence, gather his strength so the new year will find him ready to face all upcoming challenges.

A ridiculously rhythmic knock announced someone's arrival and it wasn't much of a challenge to imagine that it'd be Harry. Who else would knock on his door so cheerfully?

"Enter!"

The door opened so fast that the hinges creaked and a messy shock of black hair peeked around the door-jamb.

"Reading already? Gosh... you don't waste any time, do you?"

He stiffened. Instinctively irritated by the implied criticism:

"Don't you have anything better to do than coming down here to poke fun at me?"

Harry's gaze darkened with hurt:

"I like poking fun at you. You take yourself way too seriously, Severus. I was neither disparaging your habits nor laughing at you unkindly. I was aiming for a smile..."

Severus felt like banging his head against the backrest of his chair and his eyes lowered, focusing on the bright flames dancing in his fireplace with shamed contrition.

"I'm sorry. It's been a hard week."

The gryffindor entered the room, closing the door behind himself softly.

"I know. I'm sorry, too. None of this would have happened if it wasn't for me."

He smiled wanly, trying to ignore the knot growing inside his throat as Harry approached.

"I'd have been very lonely indeed if it wasn't for you, Harry"

The moment hung, like a dewdrop from a leaf, as his whispered admission rent the air. This was the first time he spoke openly about this. The first time he clearly stated that he needed Harry, that his life wouldn't be better without him. That he was willing to endure the public's hostility if it meant keeping this man by his side for a while longer.

Harry's eyes grew wider, becoming even more beautiful as they brightened with a thin veil of unshed tears.

"I've waited so long to hear those words..."

"Harry..."

"Sshh... Don't ruin it, Severus. Please, just... lest stretch this beautiful instant a little while longer. Let's remain exactly as we are for one more heartbeat. I'll make sure you never regret this. Your trust is a treasure beyond price... This is my greatest dream come true."

He blushed to the tips of his ears and his eyes lowered towards the floor, unable to withstand that adoring gaze a second longer.

"You are mushier than a Hufflepuff on Valentines' day, Potter. Why couldn't you respond with a simple thank you? It'd have saved us both the embarrassment of behaving like a bumbling pair of teenagers"

Harry laughed, lovingly rubbing the reddened shell of his left ear.

"I like to see you bumble.I like to make you blush. I love to see you laugh and look away from me like a shy teenager..."

The gryffindor's bold hand traced the edge of his ear in a slow, tortuous arch, then descended slowly along his neck, tracing a burning path of wild fire cross his flushing skin.

"Harry..."

A callused hand pressed ever so gently against his Adams' apple, bringing his whispered protest to an abrupt halt. Then it travelled up further, until that masculine hand curled firmly around his chin, pulling his face upwards. The air between them pulsed with a thousand silent promises as their gazes tangled, clashed, became darker, heavier, lust-filled.

"I'd also like to see your lips swell and turn as ruby-red as your ears, Severus. I'd love to kiss you until your cheeks grow crimson and you pant my name against my mouth. I want to see myself reflected in your eyes as you surrender to my kiss, opening yourself to me like an unfurling flower, granting me the chance to get to know you further..."

Severus' heart started pounding like a galloping horse, his breath became visibly laboured as he remained utterly still. Staring, wide eyed, at Harry's slowly approaching face. The gryffindor's lips brushed his with careful gentleness. He sighed against the aching warmth of that caressing mouth, allowing a probing tongue to enter him delicately and his long neck arched backwards, against the backrest of his chair.

His mind blurred as he became trapped within a vortex of tender desire as the beauty of their first kiss enraptured his mind, his senses. Curled, like a wisp of smoke, around his heart. Someone gasped and he couldn't even tell if it had been himself or Harry. He only knew that the soft sound brought them apart. Silence grew as their eyes came together, reflecting the simple perfection of this instant. Their lips curved in twin, delighted, smiles as they blinked dazedly in the morning light, like two newborn chicks who've just witnessed their very first ray of sunshine...

TBC...


	10. All The Way Down

**Title: **_**All The Way Down.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G.

**Word** **count**: 880.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 10: Red and green.

This is the tenth part in my _**Seeking home**_ series.

**Summary**: Trust is the glue that keeps two partners together. When Harry demands blind faith Severus must step on the knife's edge...

_**All The Way Down.**_

Severus took one look at the frozen puddle Harry was so excitedly showing him and immediately

realized he'd been set up. By a gryffindor, no less. Crossing his arms firmly across his chest he glared at his companion with as much venom as he could muster, which wasn't nearly as much as he'd have liked.

"No" He stated with simple, unmistakable, finality and watched the predictable frown appear on Harry's face.

"You don't even know what I want to do..."

"Whatever it is the answer is still no"

"But... it took me all morning to transfigure this ditch into a half decent ice-rink. Come on, Severus, live a little!"

Upon hearing that particularly idiotic statement Severus' mood shifted from merely amused to patently horrified:

"An ice rink?... Do you really believe I'm the kind of man who'd enjoy wobbling atop sharp blades for your amusement, Potter?"

Harry's smile dimmed. His hat-covered head shook in a negative motion, making the edges the unsightly red and green scarf he was wearing flutter wildly in the cold wind.

"Ice-skating is not that dangerous, Severus. It's actually quite fun."

"Watching me fall flat on my face is your idea of fun?"

A gloved fingertip traced the line of his cheekbone with enough gentleness to soothe his ruffled feathers:

"I'd never let you fall."

"You won't be able to stop me. I'm rather... clumsy... out of firm ground."

"I'll hold onto you, I promise. All you need to do is trust me to be there if something goes wrong. This is just like our relationship, don't you see? It's progressing so slowly because you're being way too cautious. You need to trust me completely."

"I do trust you. I thought that much was obvious"

Harry's smile was a strained little curve that didn't warm his eyes and a truly unwelcome heaviness settled in the pit of Severus' stomach. Gloved hands rose to loop the fluttering locks of his hair behind his ears, unveiling all of his face to that eager green gaze.

"I agree that you are trying. Trying very hard, in fact, but... The Prophet's relentless campaign against us is taking a toll on you. I see the way you flinch every time I read the paper. I notice how you focus on my expression, trying to gauge my reaction to the articles... Watching you silently wait for me to give up and leave you alone is breaking my heart, Severus."

"Harry, I..."

"No, listen to me: I can withstand Rita Skeeter's poison. I can ignore public opinion and defy the whole world about this, if I have to, but... I can't fight _you. _Your fears are an enemy that you've got to let me conquer. You need to believe that placing your safety in my hands won't ever break you. It'll make you stronger. It'll soothe your worries and lead you all the way home. It'll bring you straight into my arms and, trust me, my arms are ready to catch you, Severus."

Sudden understating flashed across his mind as his troubled gaze fixed upon that flat expanse of conjured ice.

"So this is a test..."

"It's not a test. It's... a lesson. A small attempt to show you that I've got your back. We can twirl around the rink a couple of times and leave it at that, if you want. I won't make you stick to it, but it'll mean a lot to me if you try."

Swallowing down the refusal that was rising up his throat took all of Severus' courage... He understood Harry's reasoning, could see he was trying to help and wondered if there was any actual merit to the idea of risking his old limbs in such a manner... Trust. This was really about trust. It was about the idea that he needed to surrender his fiercely held control. He needed to allow Harry to take over just this once, show him that he was needed. That he'd be allowed to become the stronger partner if there was ever a need for him to do so. That this wouldn't be the kind of relationship that feeds on inequality. That they both could be equally strong, equally weak, equally needed and equally desired...

He took a very deep breath, attempting to fake a calm that was only skin-deep.

"I'll never forgive you if you drop me, Potter"

The smile that flashed across those young lips could have rivalled the sun's brightness. Severus felt it warm every fibre of his being, settling inside his heart like a gently healing balm meant to soothe his every worry, conquer his every fear. Harry's gloved hand traced his cheek, his eyebrow, ran along the line of his long nose before dropping onto his lips, tapping against them softly, as if to shush the rest his protest. Then his gryffindor stood up on tiptoes, curled his free hand gently around the back of Severus' head and kissed him briefly on the lips, whispering quietly afterwards:

"Don't worry about falling, Severus. I'm right here and I've got you. I'll catch you every time you stumble and, if the only way to keep you safe is allowing you to fall, I'll come all the way down with you, my love. All the way down..."

TBC...


	11. Bathed In Starlight

_**Title: Bathed In Starlight.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G.

**Word** **count**: 790.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 11: Fairy lights.

This is the eleventh part in my _**Seeking home**_ series.

**Summary**: Our memories make us who we are. Severus bathes in starlight while his heart remembers...

_**Bathed In Starlight.**_

Harry gasped, coming to a dazed stop beside the staff room's entrance. The open doors granted him an unobstructed view of the entire place and the image of Severus, standing beside the enormous Christmas tree that decorated it, took his breath away. The slytherin's upturned face looked directly towards the elaborate star at the top of the tree and the multicoloured reflexions of the fairy lights that glowed among the branches turned that usually pale skin into a delicate mosaic of softly coloured loveliness. His dark hair flew unhindered around his shoulders, absorbing and reflecting the gently winking lights in equal measure and, although he was wearing his regular black robes, his appearance lacked its usual severity. He looked mellower somehow, softer and more open to the beauty that surrounded him. He looked oddly at peace and inexplicably lost at the same time.

"Are you going to stand there and gawk at me all evening?"

"I might. I could happily gawk at you for all eternity"

A soft snort was his only answer, but those eyes turned towards him, pinning him to the spot with unfamiliar openness.

"Albus used to love that ugly star... It's chipped right at the top and so old that we have to charm it into shine every year, but he wouldn't listen to my suggestions of replacing it and now Minerva wants to keep it going, for as long as we can, in honour of his memory"

"I'm sure he's delighted about that."

"Yes. He probably is"

Harry frowned when he heard that small, pain-filled whisper and rushed worriedly forwards. Up close he could see that Severus looked sad. His narrow features were paler than usual and those beautiful black eyes were dull with soul-deep sorrow.

"What's wrong, Severus?"

"Nothing. I'm behaving like a maudlin idiot, that's all"

His hand curled around a rail-thin forearm, preventing the slytherin's attempt to walk past him.

"Maybe I can help."

The smile that flitted through Severus' lips was wan, but genuine.

"You do. You are here."

"Is this about Albus?"

The arm he'd been holding onto jerked back and Severus' head turned away, dark eyes fixing with pained wistfulness on that golden star once more.

"I miss him. We spent all afternoon decorating the tree and then Fillius brought out the star... It's difficult for me to remember him as he was before the war. He used to be so happy... always full of laughter and wacky ideas. He was so full of life that he brought everyone around him, myself included, to life too. And now he's gone"

"He isn't gone. He's upstairs, snoring up a storm inside his portrait. I spoke with him just this morning. He's complaining that you haven't gone to visit in three weeks."

"His portrait isn't him. It's just... an echo. I find it really hard to talk to it."

"A part of him is locked in there, though. It holds onto his love for all of us. For Hogwarts. Seeing you shy away from his painting pains him deeply. Not a day goes by without him asking about you. He was overjoyed when I told him about us"

Severus' dark eyes closed slowly. His long neck arched backwards, as if it's owner lacked the strength to keep holding his head high. He looked beyond heartbroken, a man trapped in a tangle of treasured bittersweet memories and a thousand dark regrets.

"He used to say all I needed to be happy was companionship. Drove me nuts every Valentine's day, trying to set me up with one idiot or another. He was convinced that a knight in shining armour would charge into the castle one day and save me from my dungeons... Yes. He'd be happy to know about us"

Harry's arm curled gently around Severus' slender waist, puling that stiff back against his chest with tender patience and feeling his own heart swell with relief when the slytherin leaned on him.

"Well, your knight in shining armour thinks it's time for you to stop wallowing in the past. Albus's portrait might never be good enough to replace the man it represents, but he still loves you enough to miss you dearly. You should go, talk to him. Tell him that his old star glows on this tree. That someone built you an entire copy of Hogwarts out of gingerbread. Tell him that you've discovered you love ice-skating and that you think he'd have loved it too. Tell him that you miss him every day, that there are fairies lighting up this tree who carry long, white beards in his honour. Tell him that you are well and safe and happy. Tell him that your knight in shining armour has finally found you..."

TBC...


	12. In The Palm Of Your Hand

_**Title: In The Palm Of Your Hand.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G.

**Word** **count**: 955.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 12: Flying reindeer.

This is the twelfth part in my _**Seeking Home**_ series.

**Summary**: Love comes in may shapes and sizes. There's the love of a father and the love of a friend. There's love you can't return and love that places your heart in another man's hands...

_**In The Palm Of Your Hand.**_

Harry startled as a magnificent owl swept into the room, twirling once above their heads before alighting on the armrest of Severus' chair.

"Iris... what are you doing here?"

The owl lifted her left foot, carefully curling her wicked-looking claws around the knuckle of Severus' index finger and balancing herself on it as she allowed him to release the small box she carried. Harry followed the strangely affectionate process with a goofy smile on his face, admiring her beautiful feathers as she rose once more in the air, departing with the majestic flair of a queen after taking her owl treat.

"That's a beautiful owl..."

Severus agreed distractedly as he opened the box, filling the whole room with a soft bark of delighted laugher a second later.

"Oh, Draco..."

Harry stiffened as if poked with a rod.

"That was Malfoy's owl?"

"He's out-done himself this year. Look at this, Harry"

Severus reached inside the box, taking out a single glass figurine that shone like stardust under the light. It was beautiful and delicate, a breathtaking rendition of a flying reindeer that had been enchanted to trot through the air as it hung from its silver cord.

"He sent you a Christmas decoration? Isn't that a bit... infantile?"

"It's a tradition between us. We've been doing this for ages. I give him a small token to hang on the manor's tree and he returns the favour with something meant to make me smile. I've gotten dancing trolls, hiccuping dragons, purple snowmen and twinkling Christmas bells... Now I've got a flying reindeer, too."

Harry's stomach churned unpleasantly. He'd realized ages ago that Severus cared for Draco, but knowing that in an abstract sort of way wasn't the same as hearing the man he loved speak about that annoying ferret so... affectionately.

"You know he's in love with you, right?"

Severus stiffened from head to foot and his voice became quiet. Regretful. Soft like a rose petal:

"Draco's emotions are a jumbled mess right now. He's confused and alone. He feels... lost. I don't think he understands his own heart fully."

"He's been in love with you for years, though. He worships the ground you walk on. He hung onto your every word when we were in school. He's less obvious about it now, but he still orbits around you like a forlorn little moon"

Severus' hand twitched uncomfortably, curling protectively around the delicate figurine resting in his palm. He studied it intently, with eyes that had become shadowed and weary. Dulled by the weight of a hundred unvoiced regrets.

"I've harmed him deeply. He's as fragile as this glass at the moment. He's refusing to recover, tries to hold onto his impossible dreams without realizing that they're letting him down because they were never meant to be. His father is gone, his mother is heartsick, and I... There's nothing between us, Harry"

Harry's index finger dared to touch the delicate antler of that beautiful reindeer. His throat ached with a desperate sadness for the blond boy who had so much, and yet so little, of the man they both loved.

"He's so beautiful... more beautiful than I will ever be. He's refined. Rich. A slytherin... He understands potions in a way I can't hope to compete with. He's a perfect match for you in every way there is, Severus"

Severus' black eyes pinned him to the spot.

"He's been a source of untold delight in my life for many years. He's the boy I nurtured since childhood, the youth I tried to save, the recipient of my knowledge, the son I never had... I can't deny that I love him very deeply, I just don't love him the way he wants me to."

Harry's breath caught at that brutally honest admission of affection. He felt devastated. Wounded. Jealous. His gaze brightened with impotent tears that he couldn't afford to shed here and now. Severus was finally offering him access to the fiercely guarded secrets of his heart and Harry had no intention of destroying that tentative trust by appearing... immature.

"Why not? I know I shouldn't be asking, but... I have to know _why._ I need to understand why he isn't what you need when he matches you perfectly. What could I possibly give you that he can't? What will keep you by my side in the long run?"

Silence grew as Severus' eyes closed. He pondered his answer for a very long time. Finally his lids fluttered apart, unveiling a look that was as bright as it was resolute. His voice broke the silence, coiling around them both like golden thread, uniting them together in this instant, enthralling Harry's senses:

"I care for Draco in a way that won't allow me to surrender myself into his care. I love him like a father or a mentor. Like a man who sees a child in need of... guidance. I see you in a totally different way, Harry. I've taught you and protected you for years. But I've also allowed you to hold my hand and lead my stumbling form around a frozen lake. I've allowed you to become my anchor, my support, the embodiment of my safety... Love isn't really about finding some elusive perfect match. Love is about learning to see an imperfect person with a perfect sort of clarity. Love is wise in its own way. It's blind and illogical, but its also undeniable. I care very much for Draco, but I don't love him with every fibre of my being. I can't. My heart isn't mine any longer. It has been compromised. It belongs to you, Harry. It now rests, as vulnerable and fragile as this glass figurine, in the palm of your hand..."

TBC...


	13. Digging Too Deep

_**Title: Digging Too Deep.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G.

**Word** **count**: 952.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 13: The worst gift in the world.

This is the thirteenth part in my _**Seeking Home**_ series.

**Summary**: Jealousy is a well you dig yourself. When Harry gets trapped inside his own an old friend comes to the rescue...

_**Digging Too Deep.**_

"You don't understand... that reindeer was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and he didn't even have a excuse to send it over. He did it just to make Severus smile. It's some sort of tradition of theirs, apparently. Now I'm obsessed with the idea of outmatching the ferret's Christmas present and the worst part is that there's no way I can compete with him, Ron. Anything I buy will look like the worst gift in the world next to Malfoy's!"

His friend took a moment to chew his mouthful of pumpkin pie before pointing out:

"You're fretting too much over this, Harry. I get the reindeer thing was cute and all, but... what the hell is that git of yours going to do with some poncy glass decoration? Nothing, that's what. If the ferret likes that kind of girly thing then you let him buy the lot and get on with providing Snape with the stuff that matters to him. I mean, there must be some smelly potion ingredient he doesn't have yet, or a dusty book or something... He doesn't look like a fussy sort of bloke, he'll like whatever you give him"

Harry felt like screaming. He'd been losing sleep over Malfoy's ridiculous reindeer since the thing had arrived. It didn't help any that it hung on Severus' small Christmas tree like a beloved treasure, twinkling malevolently at him every time he sat in the slytherin's couch. It wasn't the only thing of Malfoy's that decorated that tree, either. There were loads of them, every single one a veritable marvel of glass-painted craftsmanship that left him breathless with a shamed sort of envy. Severus was used to glass masterpieces and he... he'd baked him a bloody gingerbread cake! Every time he thought about it he felt like dying with embarrassment. It was a miracle the man had even bothered to open his door at all, after such... sloppy... offering.

"I want to be the one to give him something special. He is _my_ boyfriend, not Malfoy's! How would you feel if some smarmy bloke started giving awesome decorations to Hermione and she smiled fondly every time she saw them; touching them gently, whenever she passes by them, just to hear them twinkle?"

Ron's relaxed attitude disappeared in a flash. His fork clattered loudly against his forgotten plate and he looked straight at Harry with horrified blue eyes.

"Yeah, I see what you mean. That'll suck so bad, mate..."

"It does!. It's even worse because Severus is being so open about it. He's not in love with the ferret, but he cares enough for him to treat him like a son. I can't even call him out on the touching-that-reindeer-thing without sounding deranged!"

Ron pondered the problem for a second, fork returning to the pie as if by instinct. He chewed the sweet with absolute relish, closing his blue eyes contentedly every now and then to better savour the flavor. A few minutes passed like that before he finally broke the silence:

"Snape liked your gift too, didn't he? Everyone knows he's crazy about gingerbread. It's not as if you've been a stingy boyfriend or something..."

Harry's anxious gaze fixed on the table. His coffee had gone cold while he'd been busy pouring out his woes and now it sat inside his cup like an unappealing mud puddle.

"He didn't even take the house I baked. And the rose... I've got no idea what he did with that. Gingerbread is meant to be eaten, Ron. It doesn't stay behind like a tangible treasure. It's temporary and replaceable and not really all that imaginative. Gingerbread is... it's too easy. It gives out the wrong message. It delivers the kind of fleeting pleasure that's meant only for today. It doesn't imply... forever."

"You're digging this well too deep, Harry. Snape knows you since you were little. He can probably see you better than you see yourself. I bet he can see Malfoy pretty well, too...

Presents are just presents, you know? Anyone can give you one. Some people are good at that sort of thing while others aren't. None of that matters much in the long run because nobody can say "_forever_" with a gift. That's just... it's bonkers, mate. Forever is a collection of unconnected moments. It's a string of smiles and a bunch of little gestures. You won't say it with anything that has a price-tag attached to it. Forever has to be created step by step, slowly. It'll show through in what you do for the git every second of the day, every day of the week, and every week of the year for every year of your life. That's how commitment works. That's how you become a family. The rest is all extra. Some of it will come and go, some of it will stay a while. None of it will matter more than the life you build together with bricks meant to hold one moment at a time"

Harry gaped. He sat frozen in his chair while his mind buzzed with the awareness that this was probably the most insightful thing his friend had ever said to him. A genuinely fond smile curved his lips upwards as relief settled over his anxious fears like a balm intent on soothing them right out of existence.

"You're right, of course. I'm behaving like an idiot, am I not? When did you get this wise, Ron?"

Merry blue eyes twinkled with self-satisfaction as his oldest friend leaned forwards across the table, patted him swiftly on the forearm, and told him with confident simplicity:  
"I've always been this wise, mate. I'm a Weasley, Harry. Family is what we do best."

TBC...


	14. Towards High Ground

_**Title: Towards High Ground.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G.

**Word** **count**: 1012.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 14: Naughty or nice.

This is the fourteenth part in my _**Seeking Home**_ series.

**Summary**: Temptation has green eyes and speaks of love so sweetly ...

_**Towards High Ground.**_

Harry leaned against the doorway of Severus' office and smiled, allowing himself the pleasure of

admiring that rail-thin form to his heart's content. Severus was nose-deep in a thick tome that looked as old as Hogwarts. There were hastily scribbled notes all over his desk and he was scowling so hard that his eyebrows had merged into a single line of scornful disapproval. His hand flew across the pages, mercilessly crossing out one sentence after another while mumbling under his breath:

"_-The Flat Capped Shetland Mushroom will stabilize the hydrophobic properties of any base combining Arabian fig and Sage...-_ Preposterous! Absolutely insane! It's no wonder he burnt himself to a crisp twenty six times in fifteen years..."

Harry couldn't help it and burst out laughing. Severus jerked upright, turning startled dark eyes towards the door.

"Harry... I wasn't expecting you so soon. Didn't you say you'd be shopping with Weasley all afternoon?"

"Turns out I didn't need to buy as much as I thought."

"Oh! I'm glad. That means you can save me from Minerva. She's been trying to convince me to have a _chat_ with her since she found out that I'm supposed to be alone for the evening. I was attempting to look busy, in case she decided to floo with a more direct offer."

"You certainly looked engrossed in your work. Watching you just now was so strange... I've read the little notes you scribble on the margin of your books before, but I never seen you write them. It feels like I've finally found the elusive half-blood Prince..."

Severus shifted uncomfortably.

"Don't remind me of that ridiculous nickname, please. I was a misfit in my own house back then, buried deep under a ton of bigoted blood-lore. Pure bloods, particularly in those days, were very hard on _hybrids_ like me. I was obsessed with proving that I belonged among them. The Princes are a very old and respected family. One that rejected both my mother and myself long before I ever came to school. My attempt to hold onto their legacy was a childish dismissal of the one decision that turned her into the only Prince who ever walked away. I shouldn't have tried to undo that"

Harry sat on the chair in front of Severus' desk. His mind buzzed with the unpleasant realization that this particular tale didn't have a happy ending.

"They didn't want you, did they?"

"It's not as tragic as it sounds, Harry. By the time I got to meet Claudius Prince I didn't want them, either. He was a harsh old man who couldn't hold his tongue and I... I was a hotheaded youth with a chip the size of Hogwarts on my shoulder. I didn't react well to his brutal criticism of my mother's choices, you see? Both of us refused to grant the courtesy of... silence... to one another and that lead us down a path of further estrangement."

"There's so much I still don't know about you... I didn't know you have living relatives. I never imagined you to be anything other than the poster-child for the slytherin house until now. I can picture you giving Slughorn a hard time in potion class, but I can't honestly see you quivering under Minerva's stern gaze. I cant' even tell if you were naughty or nice as a schoolboy..."

Severus looked scandalized:

"I haven't been _naughty_ in my entire life, Potter!"

Shocked silence followed that annoyed declaration as they registered at the same time the unfortunate double meaning that could be attached to the words. Harry laughed with wicked delight and his eyes racked Severus from head to toes:

"You haven't? That's a... tragedy, my love. No one should reach your age without having been at least _a little _naughty..."

Severus blushed adorably and Harry simply melted on the spot.

"Now you're playing ridiculous word-games"

"I like playing games with you. I love seeing you flustered. It makes me feel accomplished, you see? I don't think there are many people who can make you blush, Severus."

"Harry..."

"Why don't you come with me to the West tower? Let me show you the place I go to think about you. Let's watch the sun sink into the lake together, just like I've dreamed... Let me show you the first light of Venus as it rises across the darkening sky. Let's hold hands under the stars and kiss like a pair of teenagers..."

"We're not teenagers. We're professors of this institution and Minerva might be calling very soon. I already told you that she's been trying to get me into her office."

Harry shifted eagerly forwards, green eyes shining like a beacon of temptation:

"So? You don't really want to _chat_ with her. Let's be naughty for one night and escape the Headmistress together. I'm sure she'll understand. This is our vacation, too. We've got every right in the world to enjoy it. Come on, Severus... let me take you up to the tower and show you how Hogwarts unfolds its beauty for the eyes of those willing to see it through rose-tinted spectacles..."

"You tempt me, Harry. You tempt me so much... But I've learned the hard way that surrendering to temptation is a weakness I can't afford"

Harry smiled softly, reaching out across the cluttered desk to grab Severus' right hand. Their fingers interlocked, clinging to one another's in the building silence, and Harry's voice softened with utter gentleness when he whispered quietly:

"I want to be your weakness, yes. But also your strength, Severus. There's no offer of mine that I'm willing to leave unsatisfied. I want us to be equally lost, my love. Equally unbalanced. I want us to be weak together, strong together. I want us to kiss and cry and laugh and love and be naughty or nice together. I want us to become inseparable, indivisible. I want us to believe that we'll always be like this, exactly like this, until we've been together for so long that neither of us can remember our life without the other..."

TBC...


	15. Standing His Ground

_**Title: Standing His Ground.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G.

**Word** **count**: 972.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 15: Christmas morning.

This is the fifteenth part in my _**Seeking Home**_ series.

**Summary**: Life is a never-ending loop of expectations and responsibilities. When love and family can't see eye to eye, Harry must stand his ground or risk losing... everything...

_**Standing His Ground.**_

"The children wake around four and knock on everyone's door until all of us are up. They ran all the way downstairs and it's impossible not to smile at their enthusiasm. We stumble into the lounge and plop on the first cushioned surface we come upon and that's when Mrs. Weasley brings out the hot chocolate. The feeling of that warm cup warming my palms, while the aroma of hot cocoa fills the air, is what lets me know that Christmas morning has finally arrived."

"Sounds... loud"

Harry laughed brightly:

"Yes, it is. But it's also fun. You're going to love it, Severus"

Severus stilled, looking straight at him with crystal-clear dismay.

"You expect me to spend Christmas morning at the Weasley's?"

"Where else would you be? This will be our first Christmas together. You don't have any family and the Weasley's are the closest thing I've got to one... I assumed we'll go there, it's what I do every year"

"I'm spending the day with Draco. I promised him."

Harry's heart dropped to his feet and he had to bite his tongue in order to avoid snarling something unforgivable in response. He counted to one hundred very slowly before allowing himself to voice a single word:

"I didn't realize you guys had already made plans. I wouldn't regularly ask you to re-schedule, Severus, but... Do you really want us to spend our first Christmas apart?"

"I can't let him down now, Harry. I wont. The Weasley's have each other, their family is so huge that there's enough people to fill the Burrow to the rafters at this time of the year. Draco is desperately alone and he doesn't deserve it. I can't allow him to spend Christmas morning by himself. That'd be beyond cruel. It'd be unconscionable. I wont do it, so don't ask it of me, please"

Harry's frustrated gaze settled over the pale features of the man he loved to distraction, recognizing Severus' tension in the sudden rigidity of his posture. The slytherin was preparing for some sort of mayor blowout. He could read the heartbroken resignation in those shadowed dark eyes as clearly as if he'd written it himself upon blank parchment.

"Tell me he's at least coming here"

His heart plummeted to the floor when Severus whispered quietly:

"His mother won't leave the manor, so he doesn't like to stay away for long. He can't bear the thought of leaving her alone. It'd be even worse on Christmas morning, with a hundred and one memories of better times crowding their minds... They need to be together, Harry, not apart"

He took a hasty sip of his rapidly cooling coffee, trying to think things through, but he couldn't find a way to fix this mess.

"I understand that, but he won't welcome me in his house, Severus. It'd be easier for everyone involved if we convince him to come over, instead."

Severus looked horrified.

"You plan to stick around? I thought you'll go to the Weasley's. We could meet here after lunch or something..."

The small amount of coffee he'd consumed started to churn unpleasantly in Harry's stomach.

"I love the Weasley's very dearly, Severus. They are my family in every way that counts and that's how I know they'll understand this. I need to be with you on our first Christmas together. If that means visiting Malfoy then so be it."

"You're being needlessly stubborn about this. I know the holidays are important to you and I'm willing to spend the afternoon pandering to whatever you feel like doing, but... bringing you to Draco's isn't a good idea. Seeing us together will hurt him unnecessarily and I don't think..."

"You can't sacrifice yourself for the benefit of others forever, Severus. I understand what you're saying, I really do. You love him enough to put his interests before yours, but that won't help him move on in the long run. What will happen on New Year? Or Valentine's day? Or your birthday? Or his? How long are you going to shelter him from seeing us together? You can't live a double life in order to save him from confronting what he'll have to accept sooner or later. We're together now. We're a couple. You can't deny _us_ in front of him, Severus. That will give him the kind of hope you can't afford to give him. He'll start believing that there's still a chance that you'll choose him in the end. He'll hang onto his feelings until you have no other option but to hurt him even more..."

Severus sighed wearily. He stood up abruptly and walked towards his small Christmas tree, stopping right in front of it to stare thoughtfully at Draco's beautiful reindeer. The figurine shone in the light, reflecting the orange flames that danced in the grate with cheerful disregard for its owner's distress.

"He's so fragile, Harry... I know you're right about this, but I fear he might shatter like this glass if I pressure him further."

Harry approached Severus quietly in the growing silence, coming to a stop directly behind him and embracing his thin waist in a reassuring gesture:

"This won't be easy, but it has to be done, my love. We're a family now, Severus. We can't hide that. We shouldn't. I wish I could tell you to go with your instincts, but that'll only make things worse in the long run. There's no way to _fix_ this situation. This is the kind of sorrow that can't be soothed away or even avoided. It has to be endured. He has to see that we're happy together. He has to accept us or he'll never turn his back on you. He won't ever stop hoping. He won't give himself the chance to understand that his heart can find love with someone else..."

TBC...


	16. On Top Of The World

**Title**: _**On Top Of The World.**_

**Fandom:** Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters:** Harry Potter, Severus Snape.

**Author:** pekeleke.

**Rating:** G.

**Word** **count:** 1081.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N:** Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 16: Chestnuts roasting on an open fire.

This is the sixteenth part in my Seeking Home series.

**Summary:** Love colours our actions and experiences, no matter how familiar, with a light that makes our usual world seem magical...

_**On Top Of The World.**_

Harry stared at the city lights with dazed wonder. London lay beneath his feet like a magical kingdom. The streets glowed in the dark, making the town look like a mirage built on Christmas lights and swirling snowflakes. He hadn't expected Severus to know the city so well, so when he'd been told to dress like a muggle for the day he hadn't realized he was in for the most romantic afternoon of his life.

He'd never been familiar with muggle London and usually avoided coming into the city. His childhood hadn't given him any opportunity to explore the sights and afterwards he'd concentrated on his life as a wizard, attempting to forget the endless misery that his muggle upbringing had brought him. Severus had laughed when he explained that he'd never seen Buckingham Palace, entered the Tower of London or walked through Picadilly Circus. Now he sat inside the London Eye, drinking mulled wine while the city lights winked beneath him, and his eyes glowed with happiness and wonder.

"I don't know how you managed to get us into a private booth, but I'm glad you did. This is wonderful, Severus. I still can't believe how patient you've been as a tour guide"

"I told you I wanted to share with you the one thing I've always loved about the winter break. I often come to London during my vacation. It's so different from Hogwarts that it helps me feel... alive. I used to come and walk through the rain-washed streets endlessly during the war. I found peace in watching this world go by, while my own disintegrated brick by brick...

"The wars drained me completely of hope. They gave me the kind of nightmares I could never leave behind. Watching London's fast-paced vitality often brought me both comfort and an immediate sense of purpose. I fought for you and for the wizarding world's safety, but I also fought to preserve these busy streets, these oblivious muggles.

"In recent years London has become a sort of... refuge for me. I've been coming here to escape Minerva's well intentioned pity, refusing to join her and her sister in their Christmas plans by alleging to have some of my own. I often wandered through these streets alone, watching the lights and the couples rushing back home, without ever imagining that one day I'll have someone of my own to share this with..."

Harry's eyes glowed with unmistakable affection and his gloved fingers curled around Severus' own as the wheel reached ground level only to rise majestically towards the starry sky once more.

"I'm so glad you brought me here, then. I want to be the person you share everything with, Severus, and this evening has been... magical."

The slytherin's narrow features brightened with reminiscent pleasure.

"So you enjoyed ice-skating with this old man on the open-air rink and listening to St. Paul's choir sing Christmas carols?"

"I enjoyed walking around Covent Garden while the smell of chestnuts, roasting on an open fire, filled the air, too. I loved watching the Houses of Parliament glowing golden in the dusk and seeing their image reflected, like a rippling mirage, on the waters of the Thames. I enjoyed watching the Changing of Guard at the palace, and setting foot on the Tower of London for the first time, but what I enjoyed the most was this. Watching you smile, holding your hand, knowing that it was you who suggested coming here and realizing that you're beginning to trust me enough to take the lead like this..."

Severus smiled then and the expression on his face was so loving that it took Harry's breath away.

"I enjoyed your company the most, too, Harry. I've seen all of this before, but I never had the chance to share it with anyone. I never walked these streets holding someone's hand. I never stood on the banks of the Thames and kissed a man until I run out of air. I've never been this happy before. Not in London. Not in Hogwarts. Not ever... I believe you've brought my hope back to me and for that... for that I've got to thank you"

Harry smiled wickedly then, shifting around on the bench until he faced his dark-haired love head on.

"Thank me properly, then. I know you're a man of action, Severus Snape. Pretty words will only get you so far. Some things have to be shown, you know?"

Severus' soft laughter curled around his senses like a warm thread of sunshine, making his heart sing with sheer delight. Dark eyes settled over him, raking his upturned features with open adoration and Harry's breath caught in his throat as a pair of long fingered hands rose to cradle his cheeks gently:

"If you were angling for a kiss you're about to get really lucky, professor Potter. I've decided to indulge your every whim today. I'll probably do so for as long as you have the strength to deal with my foul temper"

"Then you'll be indulging my whims until we are old and grey, my love. Doesn't that frighten you?"

Severus smiled then. His hands tipped Harry's head backwards very slightly, exposing the gryffindor's lips to the fire in his eyes:

"I've got nothing to fear, Harry Potter. My knight in shinning armour is right here, with me. He's a very famous hero, you know? He'll protect me from whatever tries to harm me..."

Harry smiled and Severus chose that moment to kiss him passionately. His mind became a whirl of soft sensations. His blood pounded, his stomach fluttered, his lips burned and his heart rose higher than this wheel could ever manage. He was safe and he was happy. He was being kissed by the man of his dreams atop the city of London, while Christmas lights lit the streets beneath his feet. He was content for now. He was at peace. He had found his home at last, the one place where he belonged. It was here: in these arms that held him tightly. In these lips that kissed him breathless. In these eyes that looked at him as if he could move entire mountains at will or bring the moon down from the sky for their enjoyment. He had to hold onto this man, jump over every obstacle trying to set them apart and find a way to keep on collecting moments like this one. Brick by brick... that's how you build forever.

TBC...


	17. Into The Limelight

_**Title: Into The Limelight.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G.

**Word** **count**: 972.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 17: Lighting up the Menorah.

This is the seventeenth part in my _**Seeking Home**_ series.

**Summary**: They may not belong in the limelight, but it follows them anyway... It's time to find out whether they'll stand up to their choices in public, or lower their heads in shame...

_**Into the Limelight.**_

Harry took a deep breath and knocked on Severus' lab door, waiting until he heard that shiver-inducing voice grant him entrance before entering the room.

"Severus, are you busy? I need to talk to you about something..."

Curious black eyes shifted from the contents of the chopping board, atop the counter, to him.

"I'm preparing a few batches of fever-reducer for the infirmary, it's a rather simple brew that doesn't need much concentration on my part, so... How may I help you?"

A fond smile curved the gryffindor's soft lips at the formality of the question.

"You sound like a shop keeper. A really stuffy one at that. Anyone who heard you speaking to me like that would never guess that you spent last evening kissing me breathless on the London Eye"

"Fine!... If his majesty requires less stuffiness, he should certainly have it. Let me re-phrase my question: What do you want, my dear?"

Harry laughed and stood up on tip-toes to brush a dry-lipped kiss on Severus' cheek.

"That's much better!" He praised his slytherin gently, giggling softly under his breath when the man sighed with faked resignation.

"What's going on? I thought you were getting ready to visit Hagrid"

"I was. But then I got an owl from Kingsley and realized I can't answer it without talking to you first"

Severus frowned. He pushed away from the counter and went over to the sink, in order to wash off the remnants of the ingredients he'd been chopping up.

"That sounds ominous"

"It's not so bad. It's just... Do you remember how Hermione managed to convince the ministry to uphold some of the different seasonal celebrations last year? We followed the wizarding world's old rites for Yule, and the muggle-born's traditional celebrations for both Christmas and Hanukkah..."

"Yes, I remember. Her speech about the need for our society to recognize the shifting nature of wizarding demographics was printed in every paper"

Harry scratched the back of his neck nervously as his eyes rose to meet Severus' puzzled gaze.

"They are doing it again this year, you know? There was a huge Tree Lighting function at the beginning of December and tonight is the minister's official Lighting Of The Menorah. I was invited to the ceremony, but forgot to confirm my appearance, and now Kingsley's written to remind me that I should go. They like to have me around whenever they are trying to raise public awareness for one thing or other. Everyone follows the example of the Boy Who Lived, or so they tell me."

"If you think you should go, then go. I have nothing against it, Harry. I'm shocked you thought I would."

"It's not that. I want you to come with me, Severus. I think it's time for us to stand up to The Prophets' ridiculous claims and step into the limelight they've created. Let's combat them with their own fire... We should attend this ceremony as a couple, surround ourselves with the acceptance of the cream of the cream of this society, and show the public that we aren't ashamed of our relationship. Let's stand together, facing them all, and allow them to see that we are both happy with this choice.

"I'll always be this famous, Severus. I'll always be hounded by the press, no matter what I do or where I go. This is something that won't ever disappear. You're going to have to learn to deal with it, my love. I know I'm asking a lot from you, but... I think we need to do this now, before the school resumes and you're forced to deal with the student's constant whispering again"

Potion-tainted fingertips pinched the distinctive bridge of Severus' long nose. The dark eyes closed for a second, as their owner sighed with disheartened resignation.

"I don't see how my attending a high profile ministry ceremony that is bound to be, literally, crawling with journalists will put a stop to the student's frenzied whispering."

"People read The Prophet's articles out of curiosity. Public interest will start to die down as soon we give everyone the chance to actually see us. We might be able to turn current opinion around, by behaving exactly like the happy couple that we are. For instance, once we're out in the open Rita won't be able to insinuate so freely that you're keeping me tied up in your lab and feeding me love potions every two hours."

"I see..."

Silence settled as Severus stood there, blinking into empty space like a waking owl. His arms crossed off in a protective little gesture that drove Harry to move forwards and encircle his svelte waist with loving gentleness.

"What's worrying you the most?"

"I'm not... charming. I'll get defensive the moment someone gets in my face and say something unforgivable... You'll end up becoming the wizarding world's laughing stock for daring to say you're in love with a veritable grouch who's old enough to be your father"

Harry smiled directly into those beautiful dark eyes.

"I'm in love with the bravest man I know. I don't care how others see you, I don't want you to be charming unless you feel the need to be. I don't want you to change for anyone's benefit, least of all my own. I don't love you for who you could become. I love you for who you already are. I love you for who you've always been. I love you warts and all, Severus. If there's anyone out there willing to laugh at me for that, then I pity them. Because that means they've never known what real love feels like. They've never known the joy it brings. They've never had it like I have it right now: cradled like a priceless treasure in the circle of my arms..."

TBC...


	18. On Terra Firma

_**Title: On Terra Firma.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G.

**Word** **count**: 694.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 18: Nutcrackers.

This is the eighteenth part in my _**Seeking Home**_ series.

**Summary**: Acceptance doesn't always look pretty, but it's the thought that counts...

_**On Terra Firma.**_

Severus opened the box he'd just received and stared, wide eyed, at the terrible... _things._.. that rested within. He blinked very slowly, telling himself to breathe deeply before he allowed a single one of the incredulous thoughts that were crossing his mind to escape his lips.

"What is it, Severus? You've turned white"

His gaze rose, confronting the familiar green eyes that looked worriedly at him from the sofa.

"Do you remember when you told me that public opinion about us might shift after a few public appearances together?"

Harry frowned, looking alternatively from Severus' pale face to the box atop his desk. He shifted agitatedly in his seat, obviously concerned.

"Are you being threatened? I thought things had settled down. Rita's nasty articles are shrinking in size every day and just yesterday an old lady stopped me outside Quality Quidditch Supplies and congratulated me on my good taste in men"

"She must have been as blind as she was old, then..."

"Severus!" Harry looked scandalized "There's no need to put yourself down like that. I'm very proud to call you mine and I'm neither old nor blind, at least not while I've got these on" He amended the moment he spotted that awfully knowing smirk on the slytherin's face.

"Looks like some folks are starting to agree with you. I've been recently flooded with tokens of... approval... from your adoring public. Most of it have been common potions ingredients. There were a few puzzling items that I put down to eccentricity, but this... I've never received something so disturbing in my entire life"

"What is it?"

Harry was off the sofa and across the room so fast that he became a two-legged blur. Severus reached inside the box and removed two feather-light items from within, holding them up for his companion's perusal.

"Awww... they're adorable!"

The slytherin blinked.

"You're joking. Or deluded. Possibly both."

"No. They really are the sweetest thing, Severus. Don't you just... love them?"

The potion master's dark eyes lowered towards the pair of costumed Nutcrackers resting in his hands and his gut churned with horror at the very idea of having been turned into an awful wooden doll that cracked nuts.

"Why would anyone assume that I'd enjoy... this? They are totally useless. A single wave of my wand can do a far better job than these things will ever manage..."

Harry's calloused fingers caressed the hand-painted features of the wooden couple.

"It's not about how useful they are meant to be. It's about how beautiful they look when they're side by side. These are meant to represent us, you're this grumpy one with the huge nose and the shiny black hair, and I'm this shorter one. I love my glasses and that toothy grin I've got."

"You have better hair, too. And at least they didn't made you look like a bank robber. This... monstrosity... could single-handedly terrify a goblin clerk into calling the aurors"

Harry laughed.

"Come on, Severus!... yours isn't that bad. It's adorable!"

"Right"

"We should put them on display. These are the first gifts we've received as a couple, can't you see? There are two of them, like a his and her set. Only, with us, it's a Snape-Potter set... They're wonderful!"

The slytherin sighed with defeat.

"I'm going to be stuck with these things forever, am I not?"

Callused fingertips rose towards his face, cradling his cheek softly as became the entire focus of a pair of gleaming forest-coloured eyes. His heart lurched within the prison of his ribcage when the gryffindor kissed him softly on the lips before whispering his answer against the skin of his neck:

"Yes, my love. You'll be stuck with us forever and you'll be happy about it every single second of your life. I promise you that, Severus..."

A ridiculously goofy smile curved his own lips and he didn't even care how utterly spineless he sounded when he caved in like a crumbling sand-castle.

"I'll keep them for as long as you stay"

"Forever, my love. I'll stay forever. I'm not giving up on you, on this, on _us. _I'll be right here for you always. _Always, _Severus. I promise..."

TBC...


	19. Above Sleeping Seeds

_**Title: Above sleeping seeds.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G.

**Word** **count**: 988.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 19: Yule log.

This is the nineteenth part in my _**Seeking Home**_ series.

**Summary**: Winter snow buries all seeds under a frozen layer that no flower can survive. But winter doesn't last forever and every seed will become a flower in the spring...

_**Above sleeping seeds.**_

Severus apparated outside the familiar gates of Malfoy Manor and curled his pale fingers around a single one of the wrought-iron bars that blocked his path. The wards swirled around his hand, recognizing his magical signature, before allowing him access to the grounds. He walked forwards slowly, carefully balancing the Yule Log he was carrying in his arms, but came to a sudden halt when he spotted Draco sitting on a bench.

"What are you doing here? I'm not giving you the log until I enter the house. Exchanging it outside will bring you bad luck"

Stormy grey eyes looked warily past him.

"Where is Potter?"

Severus stiffened at once. He'd known this conversation was unavoidable, but he wasn't ready for it and his reluctance showed clearly in his expression.

"He's gone to visit the Weasley's"

"Oh, I see. He's trying to be... delicate. I saw The Prophet's pictures of the two of you. You looked happy, Severus. I spent the week staring at them obsessively, trying to understand why they break my heart so badly. I finally realized that I can't bear to see the expression in your eyes... I've never seen them so bright with joy before."

Severus shifted uncomfortably.

"Don't do this, please"

"Don't do what? Look you in the eye and tell you that I... _see_? Confront the fact that Potter wins again and I'm left out in the dust? Feel unbearably sorry for myself, hurt so much that I can barely breathe, become jealous beyond reason and crumble in front of you, like the small child you believe me to be? I can't fake normality when I'm breaking apart. I might be more like my mother than we ever realized."

"Your mother is a strong, courageous woman. She followed her heart out of Voldermort's clutches. Her actions during the final battle changed the outcome of the war. We wouldn't have won without her."

Draco's eyes turned towards the house, looking at Narcissa's window instinctively:

"Those actions cost her dearly. We're free, but father's gone and she's lost without him."

"I'm sorry, Draco. I'm so sorry..."

"For what? It was her choice. There's nothing you can do."

Severus placed the Yule Log on the ground before confronting those gray orbs that brimmed with hurt.

"True. But she's sick and I..."

"You've don't need to feel guilty. You're here, aren't you? Bringing me next year's light and worrying about my luck. You can't deny you love me, because you _do._ You just... love Potter more"

"Not _more,_ just... differently. Watching you wasting away like this is breaking my heart, Draco. I'm not worth it. I'm too damaged myself to know how to put you back together. You need someone with an unbreakable faith in love. Someone who knows how to laugh in the face of adversity. Someone with enough courage to stand by you, no matter what. Someone patient, determined and willing to love you above all others..."

Broken-hearted-grey eyes lowered when the first crystalline tear ran down that delicate cheek.

"Where will I find this paragon? Why would such a man bother to love _me, _anyway? I'm a disgraced, cowardly slytherin. An ex-Death Eater. A Malfoy. I'm worse than a nobody. I'm unlovable"

Severus' stomach churned with the knowledge that he was responsible for Draco's terrible pain. He sat on the bench wearily, feeling utterly unprepared to deal with this mess.

"You're not a nobody. You're the most precious treasure your parents ever possessed. You're the one thing they would have gladly died for. That kind of family loyalty is a gift, Draco. Being a Malfoy isn't a curse, it's an honour that belongs only to you. It's the strength that makes you who you are, because you are your parent's son and they both taught you that family comes first. Your mother chose you above the Dark Lord, above blood purity, above your father himself, and Lucius did exactly the same during the final battle. That sort of strength doesn't deserve scorn, least of all your own.

"I care for you, too. Maybe not in the way you desire, but still strongly enough to worry about you constantly. I want you to recover and be the bright child you used to be. I want to hear your laughter once again. I want to see you become the man you're meant to be and feel too proud to fit my own skin"

Pale strands of silver-coloured hair caught the light when that tear-stained face turned towards him:

"Would you...? Do you think Potter would kill me for stealing a hug, Severus? I promise to behave when you bring him for Christmas, but... I think I'll break right now if you don't grant me this small comfort. I know I should walk away, but I need you too much for that. I'll accept you in my life in whichever role you're willing to stay, just... don't leave me, please. You're the only thing I've got left. I don't know how I'd survive if you left..."

Severus' reaction was instinctive. He cradled that slight form against his chest as gently as he could, running soothing fingers through soft hair. Draco's face burrowed against his collarbone, drenching his shirt with silent tears while he promised solemnly:

"I'm here, my boy. I'll always be here... This pain won't last forever, Draco. We'll find a way to help your mother. I'll pave your way into the Potions Mastery you've always dreamed about and open as many doors as I'm able for you. You won't face the future alone, I promise. I want to see you recover enough to love again. I want to rejoice, like an old hufflepuff, when you finally come to accept what I've already know: You're better than you think, Draco Malfoy. You're stronger than you realize. You're more beautiful inside than you're outside and you're perfect the way you are. _Exactly_ the way you are..."

TBC...


	20. Among Pots And Pans

_**Title: Among Pots And Pans.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G.

**Word** **count**: 973.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 20: Christmas cookies.

This is the twentieth part in my _**Seeking Home**_ series.

**Summary**: There's no place warmer than home and no comfort as powerful as the one you often find among the pots and pans of your own kitchen...

_**Among Pots And Pans.**_

Severus stilled as he entered his chambers, inhaling the thoroughly unexpected aroma of baking cookies with disconcerted confusion. He felt utterly weary, after spending a very fraught afternoon trying to deal with the disaster that was Draco's life, and the last thing he needed was to deal with Minerva's overactive house elf. Sighing deeply he abandoned his outer robes on the back of his chair and opened the door that led into his small kitchenette with a determined push.

"Mimsy, I know the headmistress put you up to this, but..." His words came to an abrupt halt when his midnight-black eyes registered the scene before him: Harry had managed to expand the small room to at least double it's usual size and every single surface was covered with a colourful variety of mixing bowls and cookie racks. There was powdered sugar everywhere, along with what seemed to be an inordinately amount of cocoa powder and cinnamon. The gryffindor's usually inky-black hair was liberally sprinkled with flour, he was elbow-deep in dough and looked oddly endearing as he lifted those green eyes to smile at him.

"I hope you don't mind me using your kitchenette, but my rooms don't have one and I'm baking way too much for the kitchen-elves' taste. They threw me out and Minerva forbid me from using the Room of requirement. She's terrified it might burn again... I had nowhere else to go."

He blinked dazedly at that rushed explanation and took a careful step inside the disorganized war-zone that his usually pristine kitchen had become.

"What are you doing exactly? It's not as if there's any actual need for you to cook and this amount of baking seems a tad... excessive, Harry"

"I'm making Christmas cookies for the war orphanage. They're having a huge Santa-themed party for the kids tomorrow afternoon and I promised them I'd drop in. It'll raise public awareness and, hopefully, encourage some folks to donate."

"I see..."

Worried green eyes settled over him.

"You are not mad, are you? I'll clean everything up, Severus."

"No. I'm not mad. I'm just..." He looked around the awful mess and felt suddenly exhausted. The day had been an absolutely horrible emotional roller-coaster-ride and all he wanted to do was sit in a dark corner and nurse his aching head back to normality with a pain-away potion. He'd been planing on doing nothing but breathe deeply until his mind stopped whirling and his heart had found some peace. Now he had to deal with this, on top of everything else, and he felt suddenly overwhelmed. This was too much work. Simply... too much.

"You had trouble with Malfoy? You look... sad, Severus"

He searched around for somewhere to sit and, when he couldn't find it, pinched the bridge of his nose with exasperated frustration before offering a slightly clipped answer:

"Seeing Draco hurting so much is hard for me. I can't stop feeling guilty. It doesn't help any that I'm thoroughly unprepared to deal with a wounded young man in need of fatherly affection. I spent the whole afternoon trying to fake a confidence in the future that I don't really feel and missing Albus desperately. He would have known what to do..."

Harry vanished the mess off his hands with a single wandless charm and came around the packed counter in a flurry of soft-eyed empathy and flour-sprinkled hair.

"Come here..." He whispered simply and Severus was enfolded in a loving embrace that was so utterly gentle it brought a lump the size of China to his throat. The messy curls that barely brushed his chin smelled like cookie dough and the warm arms that had curled tightly around his middle left white powdered trails of flour all over his dark robes, but he couldn't feel a single twinge of annoyance for the mess they were creating with his appearance. Not when they were also acting like a soothing balm that brought him welcome comfort.

"It's alright, Harry. I know that I'm acting like a maudlin old fool"

"Sshh! Please, just... sshh, Severus. You're tired and you're hurting and you're trying to fake a strength that you don't have. It's OK to lean on me, you know? I'm right here and I want to help you, so shut up and let me give you the hug you need, you stubborn man! We'll figure the rest of it later, alright?

We'll find a way to make Malfoy feel better. I'll move Heaven and Earth to see you both happy. You care very dearly for him and that means he's a part of the family we are so carefully building. We'll face whatever comes our way together. All three of us. I'll find a way to get on with the git, I promise. Everything is going to be alright, Severus, you'll see..."

Severus couldn't have found an answer to those words, had his life depended on it. He was speechless. Utterly shocked by the fierce joy they had brought him. These were not only words, they were powerful avowals. They were promises of a future that he'd never imagined he could have. Sighing deeply, he closed his burning eyes and settled the pointy tip of his chin atop that hopelessly messy hair, feeling infinitely better as the seconds passed and the silence grew into a peaceful sort of calm.

_'Home...' _He thought randomly and smiled for the first time that day. His heart filled with hope as that wayward notion swiftly grew into unshakable conviction inside his head.

_'Yes. This is home. My home... This is the place where my needs will always come first. This is where I'll find comfort and strength and hope. This is were my love awaits me, ready to embrace me fondly and bring me back to safety. This is where I'll always find... Harry'_

TBC...


	21. At The Kitchen Table

_**Title: At The Kitchen Table.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G.

**Word** **count**: 971.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 21: Mulled Cider.

This is the twenty-first part in my _**Seeking Home**_ series.

**Summary**: A mother's heart always seeks what's best for her child.

_**At The Kitchen Table.**_

Severus sat stiffly on the Weasley's kitchen, warily nursing a mug of mulled cider, while he waited for Molly to say whatever it was that she'd kept back in front of Harry. The gryffindor had been insisting on bringing him to The Burrow for days and Severus had delayed the encounter as much as he could, trying to avoid precisely this sort of situation. Now he wished he'd managed to find a way to avoid coming altogether.

He realized that he wasn't any mother's ideal partner for their son. He understood her worry about Harry's decision to become so publicly involved with a much despised pariah. One who had not only been his teacher, but was also old enough to be his father... He'd been thinking along those lines for months himself, trying to deny his own emotions. Drown them under a veritable flood of cold reality. He'd read, in soul-destroying detail, exactly what everyone thought about his involvement with the Wizarding World's precious Saviour and didn't particularly wish to hear it from her lips...

"They'll be out for a while, those two. Arthur enjoys chatting to Harry about his little muggle gadgets. He keeps them in his garden shed, you know? Piles them up on an old table and wonders what they're for..."

"Molly... I saw you looking at Arthur just before he lured Harry away. I know you've orchestrated their little trip outside, so... let's not play dumb with each other. Say whatever you've got to say and then I'll leave. I refuse to stay where I'm unwelcome"

She shifted in her chair, clearly uncomfortable, but her direct brown eyes widened with genuine surprise:

"Who said you aren't welcome, Severus? I'm afraid you're mistaking my intentions. I'm not trying to offend you, I just want to make sure that you realize exactly how important you are to Harry."

Severus frowned, puzzled by her claim.

"I know that already"

"Do you? I don't think so."

"I know that he loves me, if that's what you're implying. He's putting up with my bad press, ignoring every Howler sent my way and being as supportive as he possibly can. I'd have to be blind not to realize that he cares very deeply for me."

"Yet you thought he left you alone with me, carelessly exposing you to my... motherly disapproval"

He flushed, embarrassed, but refused to back down.

"Trusting one's own family is instinctive, Molly."

Her brown eyes softened and she took a single sip of her mulled cider, before explaining quietly:

"Trust isn't instinctive with Harry. No one gets this close to him on faith alone. Those muggles who raised him where heartless, Severus. They neglected him throughout his childhood. Harry is a lovely young man, he is generous with those he loves, but he doesn't love that easily"

Severus shifted uncomfortably, unsure of where this conversation was going.

"I know about his uncle. I saw some of his memories when I taught him Occlumency."

"I'm glad you're aware of that. But that's not what this is about, Severus. Harry's awful childhood taught him that love can be cruel. Many kids his age see it as some sort of Merlin-given right, they've grown with it all their lives and take it for granted. But Love is difficult for Harry. It has been used as a weapon to harm him many times already, so he doesn't give his heart away easily and, when he does, it's all or nothing, Severus. He loves the old-fashioned way, he isn't seeking a few months with you, he is seeking... forever. He is in it for the long haul and you have to realize that, if you're seeking something else, you could tear him apart."

Severus stared blindly into his drink as he considered her words. Silence fell over them like a cold blanket and he wondered what she wanted him to say, exactly. Did she want him to get up and leave, claiming to be horrified by the depths of Harry's feelings, or did she want reassurance that his heart was similarly engaged? Whatever her desires he could only offer her the truth.

"What makes you think that I don't love him the old-fashioned way, too?" He finally asked, lifting fiercely determined eyes to stare at her "I'm too old to play games with my heart, Molly. I was a spy for twenty years. I couldn't afford to place my trust in the wrong hands, either. I understand how it feels to be utterly alone and yearn to have someone, just like everyone else does. I know exactly how it hurts every time you turn your back on another chance at happiness, just because you're too afraid to risk it...

"I'm aware that I'm not exactly charming, my looks have always been dismal and my reputation matches all the rest. I'm not having the easiest time with the public aspect of our relationship and I'm being forced to face everyone's scorn... Think about it, please: why would I put myself through this if I didn't want forever?"

She smiled and her expression became a soft-eyed rendition of motherly relief.

"That's all I needed to hear. Welcome to the family, Severus. Whatever other people think about you isn't really the issue, you know? Harry's thoughts are what matters here and you've been the focus of his world for years now. You might not consider yourself charming enough for him, but Harry believes you're wonderful and that's the truth as he sees it. Beauty isn't in the skin, Severus. Beauty hides deep beneath it and shows our unique splendour only to those willing to appreciate us the most. Harry needs strength. He needs loyalty and determination. He needs courage, intelligence and emotional depth. He needs you. It's really that simple, isn't it? He has always needed... you."

TBC...


	22. In The Snowbound Garden

_**Title: In The Snowbound Garden.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G.

**Word** **count**: 940.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 22: Snowman.

This is the twenty-second part in my _**Seeking Home**_ series.

**Summary**: In the snowbound garden there's a snowman and laughter, there's friendship and new hope, there's a snow-fight to win and a couple of ex-gryffindors ready to protect the men they love...

_**In The Snowbound Garden.**_

Harry sat on the orphanage's rickety bench, watching his three slytherins coach the children into building a snowman. So far there had been more exited squealing than actual work involved and Severus was starting to scowl at the more rowdy kids. Despite the fact that they all seemed to be having a good time, Harry couldn't ignore the guilt that threatened to choke him every time he looked at Narcissa Malfoy. He'd been forced to threaten her with using Draco's pending life-debt to force her son into teaching him the Fyendfire hex, if she continued to hide inside her rooms... Now they were all here, helping keep the orphanage kids entertained, and he could see that, although she still looked pale and fragile, a small light of pleasure was brightening her eyes.

Bringing her here had been Ron's idea. His friend was convinced that she needed to be around others who had lost as much as she had and managed to survive. Ron thought she needed to see that it was possible to smile again after a beloved member of your family was ripped away. She needed to realize that life went on, maybe not as happily as it had done before, but still filled with the possibility of finding small joys and simple pleasures.

He was in the process of re-joining the small group when a familiar form turned around the corner.

"Charlie! I didn't realize you were already home. I thought your portkey was booked for next week"

"There was a cancellation, so I flew in late last night. You look well, Harry. Congratulations, by the way, I couldn't believe my eyes when I read that you finally got your man... Happiness suits you, mate"

"Thanks!... I'm shocked to see you here. Never thought you were into kids."

A small shadow crept into those usually jolly brown eyes.

"A year ago I wouldn't have come anywhere near this place. But a year ago I was a total idiot. I only cared about having fun. I wasn't interested on settling down at all."

Harry frowned, concerned about the clear pain that coloured every word.

"You're in love, aren't you?"

Charlie's smile didn't reach his eyes.

"Yeah. I... I'm coming back home, mate."

"You're running away from the guy?"

"No. I'm coming back for him. He's here, Harry. Right here, in fact. He's the only man who ever turned me down."

"What do you mean he's _here_? Where...?" Emerald eyes widened as they followed the direction of Charlie's gaze.

"Draco? You're here to mess Draco up?"

"Harry..."

"I'm going to kill Ron!"

"Harry, listen to me..."

Fierce green eyes pinned him to the spot with enraged determination:

"No. _You_ listen to me! Stay away from Malfoy. Do you hear me? He is not strong enough to cope with the kind of games you play, Charlie. Go find your sex somewhere else!"

The dragon-tamer's hand grabbed his arm, preventing him from leaving.

"I mean him no harm, I swear! I met him last Christmas at a pub. He's so beautiful... I was immediately dazzled. He was out on the dance floor and I made a pass at him. He looked right through me, Harry, told me he was there for the music, not the fauna, and I laughed so hard... I thought he was drunk. But he wasn't. He was stone-cold sober and he simply found me wanting."

"Charlie..."

"I couldn't get the bloody git out of my head. I tried, but it was no use. I started picking up blond guys, _only_ blond guys... I convinced myself that I could have a million men like him." He whispered, looking with heartbreaking longing towards the man who stood beside Severus..

"But none of them were him... were they?" Harry's soft-toned question brought those pained brown eyes back to his face.

"No. They weren't. I saw him again over the summer and made a second pass at the same man for the first time in my life. He turned me down again, told me he was in love with Snape. I'll never forget the expression in his face when I started laughing... He grabbed the front of my shirt and told me that love isn't a joke. That it's the most important thing in a man's life and that he pitied whoever cared for me that deeply, because it was obvious to him that my worth was skin-deep..."

"Ouch!" Harry whispered sympathetically.

"He was right, though. I left that bar a different man altogether and spent every single day since then pinning away for the bloody git. I kissed The Prophet when I read about you and Snape... I tendered my resignation on the spot, and now I'm here..."

Feminine laughter reached their ears and they turned around to see that a snow fight had broken out. Narcissa Malfoy was cowering behind Draco, who was shaking his platinum-blond head, spraying soft snow all over the place, while Severus swirled his wand in a graceful arch that sent a formation of perfectly formed snowballs towards the a small group of kids who'd taken refuge behind a tree.

"Looks like the snowman can't compete with the allure of a snow-fight. I better join the fray, my poor slytherins are no match for twenty kids"

"Let me join you. I'm very good at snow-fights..."

Fierce emerald eyes clashed with deep brown:

"You mess with Draco and you mess with me, Charlie. Severus is worried sick about him. Don't you dare coming anywhere near him unless you're dammed sure you're going to stay."

"I'll stay if he'll have me, I swear. I'm done with being... skin-deep."

TBC...


	23. In Soft Candlelight

_**Title: In Soft Candlelight.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G.

**Word** **count**: 975.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 23: Christmas candles.

This is the twenty-third part in my _**Seeking Home**_ series.

**Summary**: Soft candlelight grants the reticent heart the necessary courage to discard every barrier...

_**In Soft Candlelight.**_

Severus stared into the flickering flames of the Christmas candles that decorated his small dining table, thinking about the strange day he'd just spent at the orphanage. He'd been shocked to find himself enjoying the time spent with the children and the fact that he'd been able to see Narcissa's smile for the first time in months had made the whole experience all the more pleasurable. Draco's relief had been palpable and the hopeful light that had entered those haunted grey eyes had warmed his own heart with sheer relief. He'd been given a gift today. A precious, priceless, gift. He'd been given the chance to see Draco happy for the first time in ages and it had been Harry's doing...

"I don't know how you managed to drag Narcissa to the orphanage, but... thank you, Harry."

The gryffindor grinned, dropped his cutlery on his now empty plate, and placed his elbows on the table with appalling casualness.

"You are welcome, Severus. I know how much you've been worrying about Draco and I wanted to help. The Malfoys aren't so bad, once you get to know them. I like how close they are to one another, it shows a kind of loyalty that's rare in this day and age."

Severus' potion-tainted hand curled around the delicate stem of his wine glass and a small, thoughtful silence fell between them. It was comfortable and peaceful, a shared quietude. The room was shrouded in shadows, lit only by the candles atop the table and the amber-tinted light coming off the hearth, which gave the familiar chambers an intimate atmosphere that they usually lacked, relaxing Harry further into dreamy-eyed contentment.

"What was Charles Weasley doing at the orphanage, anyway? I saw you arguing. I almost hexed his hand off the second time he grabbed you."

Harry smiled softly:

"Now who's being a knight in shinning armour?"

Severus blushed bright pink. His eyes lowered, fixing bashfully on the rim of his wine glass.

"I realize that I'm not very... proficient... at expressing my emotions, Harry. But you must be aware of how important you are to me. I tend to be... protective, when I care this deeply about someone"

Harry stilled, focusing those bright eyes on him with searching intensity.

"I wasn't complaining, Severus. I love it when you come out of your shell and show me how much you..."

"Love you, Harry. The word you're searching for is _love. _I... love you very deeply. I thought you knew."

"I did. I _do._ It's just... I'm not used to hearing you say it. Moments like this are... rare... between us"

Ebony-black eyes filled with dark shadows.

"I'm sorry if I'm failing to be as... effusive... as you deserve."

Harry smiled.

"Effusive... I can't picture you like that. I wouldn't want you to change that much, Severus. These moments between us are special precisely because they're rare. I'll rather hear the words every so often, and be dazzled by their beauty every time, than grow used to have them falling constantly from your lips"

Severus swallowed with difficulty. He felt crippled by emotion, utterly unable to express the profound gratefulness that filled his heart to bursting at that second. Silence settled around them once again, enfolding them within a cocoon of warmth and contentment where nothing really existed beyond this table. Harry's slightly callused fingers inched across the tabletop, brushing his fingertips delicately and making him smile despite himself. The clock on his mantelpiece chimed the hour and they broke apart when Harry looked at it with transparent regret.

"It's eleven o'clock. I better get going... Thanks for this wonderful dinner, Severus"

Devastation flashed through him as the familiar scene began to unfold. Harry rose, came around the table and kissed his cheek gently, then straightened in preparation to walk towards the door. This was something that he'd needed up until now. This lack of... physicality... between them had settled his early fears and allowed him to trust the sincerity of Harry's intentions. Now he couldn't bear the idea of watching the gryffindor walk away. It was time to move beyond this simple understanding of togetherness. It was time to become... more.

His hand curled around Harry's wrist, holding him fast, and those emerald eyes frowned with confusion:

"Severus?"

His throat dried and his pulse raced with panic, but he spoke the words aloud with raw-toned solemnity.

"I'd like you to stay. I want to wake up by your side."

Harry's gasp was clearly audible in the sudden silence. His free hand curled around the nape of Severus' neck, pushing his head upwards, in order to look searchingly into his eyes.

"Are you sure? I'm willing to wait, my love. I don't want to pressure you into doing this"

He could feel the blush spreading across his face, but refused to either backtrack or lower his gaze.

"I can offer you neither beauty nor great expertise, Harry. I can only offer you myself. If that's all you require to be happy, then... yes: I'm ready for this. I want to become yours. Completely yours. You've had my heart for a while. Now It's time you have my body, too"

"Then I'll stay, there's nowhere else I'd rather be. I can't wait to spend the night loving you, Severus. It's all I've ever wanted. All I've dreamed about for years now. You're making my every wish come true. You're turning this Christmas vacation into the best holiday season of my life. You're gifting me the kind of memories that no man ever forgets, you're fueling my future dreams, making me so happy that I could fly unaided. You are placing the moon and the stars, the very sun itself, in the palm of my hand and promising I can keep them with everything you do. You're giving yourself to me..."

TBC...


	24. Beneath The Mistletoe

_**Title: Beneath The Mistletoe.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G.

**Word** **count**: 934.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 24: Mistletoe.

This is the twenty-fourth part in my _**Seeking Home**_ series.

**Summary**: Ballroom dances are meant for dancing, even if you are the Saviour of the Wizarding World...

_**Beneath The Mistletoe.**_

The ministry ballroom glittered under the light of thousands of candles while soft music filled the air. Laughing couples twirled tirelessly at the tune of an old-fashioned waltz and Severus' foot twitched under the table, in time with the music, while his face remained stoically inexpressive as he endured the unwelcome company of another Potter fan.

They'd hadn't managed to eat without interruption. Hadn't been able to exchange a single private word since their arrival at the ball. Hadn't had a moment to themselves and the constant intrusion was starting to grate on his nerves. Sighing under his breath, he raked the packed room as the newest visitor to their table launched on his flattering description of Harry's unmatched heroism...

They'd made a lovely effort with the Christmas decorations this year. The room glowed with silver-coloured snowflakes that had been charmed to float above everyone's heads. A few sprigs of mistletoe hung here and there, to the delight of the young, giggling couples who huddled under them, kissing each other breathless...

"Severus?" Harry's hand, plopping suddenly on his shoulder, startled him out of his thoughts and he turned his dark eyes to stare into bright green. "Would you like to dance? You were looking rather longingly at the dance floor"

Severus' startled gaze clashed with the horrified stare of the person Harry had obviously ignored in order to turn towards him and a flood of sheer embarrassment tainted his prominent cheekbones with a pink blush.

"I'm fine, Harry. I can see you're still busy..."

The gryffindor disregarded the rather loud agreement of the small group of people standing beside their table and turned even more markedly towards him. He was frowning with obvious worry and all Severus wanted was for Harry to ignore him and go back to his fans.

"I'm not busy. I came here to have a good time, just like everybody else, and I've just realized that I've been stuck to this table all evening long. I'm done talking to strangers while my beautiful partner taps his foot under the table, unable to go out and dance because _I'm_ trapped here."

"Mr. Potter, if you'd allow me just a second of your time..." The man immediately to Harry's right began to speak, but was sharply interrupted by the screech of the gryffindor's chair when it was pushed away from the table.

"I'm afraid the rest of my evening belongs to my companion. I've neglected him long enough already and I plan to remedy that this instant. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a very important question to ask: Severus Snape, would you do me the honour of granting me this dance?"

Unfortunately, Harry's question fell into a lull of the music, which allowed it to echo around the room, bringing unwanted attention to their interaction. Everyone turned towards them, intent on witnessing his answer with truly intrusive curiosity. Severus coloured further, stiffening in instinctive response to the unpleasant awareness that he was the centre of attention.

"Harry, I..." He faltered when he spotted the evident scorn written across the face of the man standing directly behind Harry. His head lowered towards the table and he wished with all his heart for the floor to open right up and swallow him whole.

Callused fingertips curled around his chin, lifting his head once more, until all he could see was Harry's loving face.

"Ignore them. Don't allow anybody else to colour your behaviour. I belong to you, my love. Only to you. No one has more right than you to my attention. I neglected you unforgivably tonight and I'm sorry. I don't want to be Harry Potter forever, I want to be just Harry, and just Harry needs you to ignore everyone else and concentrate on him right now. Can you do that, my love? Can you think of nothing else but _us,_ so that we can twirl around the dance floor for a few hours?"

He squirmed uncomfortably, attempting to ignore his instinctive desire to walk as far away as possible. His eyes focused on Harry rather desperately and the six words he whispered in response to that question were among the hardest he'd ever spoken out loud:

"Yes. I can do that, Harry"

Delighted pleasure blossomed across Harry's features and his hand was held reverently in the next second.

"Thank you!... Thank you for accepting me for exactly who I am, in front of these strangers. Thank you for being the only man who hasn't crumbled under the pressure of my thrice cursed popularity. Thank you for being the bravest man I know, Severus Snape."

He was helped from his chair in the next blink and the mass of people behind Harry parted silently to allow them right of passage. They made it to the middle of the dance floor and stood still for a long time. Their eyes clashed, their hands held, and Severus forgot his embarrassment the moment Harry stood up on tiptoes and brushed his lips in a feather-light kiss.

"It's tradition. We're standing under the mistletoe, my love..."

A smile broke across Severus' lips as Harry's arms curled around his waist, coming close enough to rest that messy head against his chest. They began to sway in circles to the rhythm of the music, ignoring the fact that the entire room was gaping rudely at them, ignoring the flashes of the cameras and the increasingly louder whispering that surrounded them. They twirled and twirled under a thousand candles, giggling, smiling and, just like any other couple in the ballroom, kissing each other breathless beneath the mistletoe...

TBC...


	25. Home At Last

_**Title: Home, At Last.**_

**Fandom: **Harry potter (Snarry)

**Characters**: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.

**Author**: pekeleke.

**Rating**: G.

**Word** **count**: 987.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 25: Winter Sunshine.

This is the twenty-fifth, and final, part in my _**Seeking Home**_ series.

**Summary**: Severus embraces his every need and finally finds his way home...

_**A/N 2: **I want to dedicate this particular piece to YenGirl, who used one of her reviews to put a picture in my mind that I couldn't shake off. This might not be the exact scene she envisioned, but it's close enough for her to deserve being credited with having given me the inspiration for this drabble._

_**Home, At Last.**_

Severus lifted his face towards the sky, allowing the last rays of winter sunshine to paint his face with gold. Christmas day was almost over and it had proven to be an exhausting roller-coaster ride of emotions. He'd never had a partner to wake up to on this particular morning, let alone one as popular as Harry, and the experience had been truly disorienting. Owls had began arriving at daybreak, making an absolute mess of his sitting room, until they'd been literally buried under a ton of gifts. Harry had laughed at his grumbling, calling him a grumpy scrooge, while kissing him straight into a more accepting mood.

They shared breakfast among gift-wrap and laughter, answering calls from a truly dizzying number of well-wishers. Ten o'clock had found them hand in hand, knocking on the door to Malfoy manor, and the hours spent there hadn't been as difficult as he'd initially feared. Draco had been in high spirits, due to his mother's steady recovery, and they'd exchanged gifts with a strained cheerfulness that was shattered by absolute shock when an unexpected parcel had arrived for the master of the house.

He'd been disconcerted by the fact that Charles Weasley had sent a delicate snowman-shaped ornament to Draco. Although the accompanying card simply stated how much the dragon-tamer had enjoyed the day they'd spent together, playing with the orphanage's kids, the underlying message was crystal-clear: there was interest there. Interest that went beyond sexuality, judging by the fragile beauty of that exquisitely crafted gift. He'd been overjoyed to see the small smile that appeared on Draco's face as he stared, wide-eyed, at that delicate snowman. It may not happen overnight, but he was now convinced that Draco would eventually return to his former confident self. He'd go back to laughing and plotting. Back to being the charming, spoiled and disarmingly generous boy he'd always been. Back to believing himself worthy of love.

Watching the sun's slow descent towards the lake Severus held his breath, utterly awed by the beauty he beheld. He was content to be here, he was... happy. His hands curled around the small pocket-sized painting that Harry had given him for Christmas. It showed an empty office: a huge desk dominated a scene where a high-backed chair appeared to be quietly awaiting it's absent owner. A giant bowl of yellow-coloured candy sat atop the desk, opposite an ancient tea-set.

His throat closed with the same kind of overwhelmed emotion that had brought a fierce burn to his dark eyes when he'd seen the painting for the first time. He knew exactly what it represented. Knew who should be sitting on that chair, drinking tea from that old cup. He could even understand Harry's reasoning for giving him this gift and the idea that his needs were so transparent to his lover humbled him beyond words.

Conflicting thoughts whirled in his head, reminding him that no one could force him to accept this. No portrait could enter this particular scene unless it was magically opened for them, so... He could turn his back on this painting, shove it inside a drawer and leave it thus forever: empty. Uninhabited. Barren.

He could also scrawl Albus' name onto the canvas, allowing him entrance into this space that had been so obviously created just for him. He could abandon the old regrets that plagued him, discard his heartbroken guilt towards the murder he'd committed out of loyalty on this very tower, and allow a dear old friend back into his life. He could welcome Albus into this painting and tell him that he'd finally found peace. That he'd survived. That he was happy and safe and loved.

He could walk back into the soothing warmth of Hogwarts, carrying his beloved mentor in the palm of his hand. They could walk into the staff-room together, and smile once again at the sight of the rickety star that still shone atop the teacher's Christmas tree. He could bring Albus into his rooms and walk towards the couch where he'd left Harry, sleeping under the blanket that Mrs. Weasley had knitted just for them, and show his old mentor the source of his new-found joy...

It took him barely a second to scrawl Albus's name onto the canvas and he stared, wide-eyed, as the office's door opened and the old man he'd so dearly missed walked in. Twinkling blue eyes stared up at him from behind familiar half-moon spectacles and a bright, loving smile curved Albus' lips, adding unmistakable warmth to his voice:

"Merry Christmas, my dear boy. I've been waiting a long time to talk to you"

Severus' throat burned with emotion. He was grateful for the opportunity to see those eyes again. He'd missed that soft voice and tender smile with every fibre of his being since they'd been... gone.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Albus. I'm delighted to see you. I have so many things to tell you about..."

Albus sat behind his desk, old hands reaching for the teapot as those eyes looked straight at him.

"Then we're having tea, are we not, Severus? You must tell me everything, my boy. I've heard wonderful things about your current life. Harry told me you're in love."

"Yes, we are. So many things have changed, Albus..."

Gentle blue eyes softened with affection.

"I'm listening, Severus"

Severus smiled, returning to the welcoming warmth of Hogwarts with Albus safely cradled between his palms. He spoke quietly as he began descending the stairs towards the dungeons, feeling finally complete, guilt-free, content. After taking a million wrong turns and surviving two dark wars he'd managed to reach the happily-ever-after that he'd been desperately seeking all his life. He'd found acceptance and safety. He'd found the happiness that had, so far, evaded him. He belonged, at long last, to another human being. Had found his destined home within the warm folds of Harry Potter's heart...

_**The End.**_


End file.
